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I latch onto specific problems and when I do everything else around me diminishes into nothingness until I complete the task at hand. I line these problems up and solve them, one-by-one, and I find updating the task list awfully difficult. If I am on my way to do a job, breaking off to attend to something else is almost impossible. I once finished buttering my toast before putting out a fire by the stove. I once lost a girlfriend after she trapped her fingers in a food processor, and I quietly went over to the fridge and put the milk away before turning to help her. She couldn’t believe that I hadn’t rushed over straight away, but of course it wasn’t really like that. I was unable to review or address my priorities until my mind had freed itself from the current task.
I have to manage these tendencies. And I learned at an early age that it helps to focus on discrete tasks that, if things get really bad, I can remind myself don’t matter. That, at least, limits the anxiety of abandoning them. I have my work and that gets me through the day, but outside of those hours I need other things to pull me through. I can paint and read and they’re involving, for sure, but they don’t tend to have the sense of completion that I get from a simple puzzle. Jigsaws, sudoku, word searches, videogames; these all make up part of it but oddly enough it’s crosswords that have taken over my mind. It started because they weren’t too taxing and if I was pushed to cheat then it didn’t really matter. They let me say things like,
“Right, I’ll do 9 across while on the toilet and that’s it.”
Like most things I put my mind to, I quickly turned the hobby into an obsessive pursuit of completion. The harder they were, the better. If I had to watch a film, read a book, or even visit a real-life location to get an answer, I would. And I credited it all with pushing me out of my comfort zone in order to experience new things. I would have never watched Breakfast at Tiffanies, read Little Women, or visited the London Museum of Natural History without needing to get answers from them. And they were all new experiences for me, some better than others, but I enjoyed the feeling of expanding my little bubble with each new puzzle.
Crosswords, like everything, have communities surrounding them and I even found a few friends online. For some, the compulsion to get obscure answers was a vital lifeline to the outside world, and you’d be surprised at some of the cultures lurking at the fringe. A good crossword is more than just a puzzle, it’s a curated string of experiences picked to evoke a deliberate journey. A common example might be the kind of thing some tourists could use to guide them around a city:
Below the Phoenix of a Blinded Saint, 8 down.
Resurgam – the answer can be found carved on a stone beneath a statue of a phoenix at St Paul’s Cathedral. But what about something like the following:
The final song of a thunderous singer, 5 across.
The answer was Toxic, the final song lip-synced by a Drag Queen (Daytona Thunder) at a popular club in Manchester. I went a long way for that one and had a surprisingly good night, albeit one a little outside my wheelhouse. But still, I got the answer and it wasn’t like I’d find it just by reading the forums (posting answers is a big no-no if you want to get into the best clubs). The creator was a well-known Queer academic working out of London who has a popular following in the community. I appreciated their work but perhaps not as much as those by one anonymous Berliner.
A companion’s lips tasted through the looking glass, 6 across.
Her name was Alice and she was an escort for an agency called Intimate Companions. She was wearing Cherry lip gloss, something I found through a process of elimination.
Over the last few years I’ve discovered more about myself than I ever would have at home. I have learned that I can lie very well, that when I know who I am meant to be, who others want me to be, I can be confident and even charming. I have learned that I am not a jealous person, that I am not a vain person, and that there are times when I can be as reckless and adventurous as anyone else. I just need a reason to, a job to complete with routes to success I understand.
The name of a one-eyed watchmen’s gun, 12 across.
There was a policeman—with two eyes, I might add, but the unfortunate Christian name of Dick—and the answer was the serial number of his gun, converted to letters. That was an odd one, but absolutely invigorating. The crossword had been made with clearly defined geographical boundaries which helped (many of us attended it as a communal event although I largely acted alone), and for a moment I almost thought the policeman was in on the game. Right up until he tried to shoot me.
Like I said, the experiences can be invigorating.
But the good ones, the really good ones, they can be a struggle to find. You have to be accepted into the right groups, often you’ll be vetted, even tested, but the reward can be worth it. I’ll never forget the day I had a hand-delivered envelope deposited at my doorstep and the anticipation I felt opening it, unknotting the brown twine so delicately tied around the heft. God, some of them even had wax seals. I liked those the most. I found the violet and crimson seals delicious to look at.
But they were so, so much more than simple puzzles.
A principled affair, 5 down.
The headmaster of the local school was having an affair with her sister-in-law, Sarah. It was hard to find that out. It wasn’t exactly public knowledge. Frankly, I had to resort to stalking and it wasn’t a good look, but it was a new experience nonetheless and the few times I nearly got caught were quite exhilarating. But what was truly amazing was that this was at the school just a few blocks from my house! You have to understand, it wasn’t just a template handed out to everyone. I still don’t know how big any of these communities really are but I imagine they’re quite small and involve people from all over the world. It was truly remarkable to think someone had laboured over a tailor-made puzzle just for me.
There are quite a few groups I belong to now. Some aren’t even organised online, instead requiring that you ferret them out, sometimes as clues in other puzzles, sometimes as their own elaborate games. But there are always more to be found and in the best circumstances, they find you, choosing you out of all the people in the world to rise to the challenge at hand. The right ones will push you to do things you never thought possible.
A baker’s jewels, 7 down.
Harriet Baker who died in 2012 at the age of 86 and was buried with an emerald necklace in the local graveyard. I still have it, kept away somewhere in a special drawer along with news clippings of the crime. It even has some of the soil from the grave still muddying its shimmering gems, and admittedly they do still smell a bit. But I bet that I know something most people don’t, and that’s what happens to little old Grandma five years after being sealed up in a box beneath the Earth. Not just the abstract, either. I know the specifics, I know exactly what she looks like, smells like, and even what her cold lumpen flesh feels like. I spent years as a child wondering what happened to the many relatives of mine who passed away, but it was an adult I finally found the answer.
People have lived their whole lives looking down on me. Teachers assumed I was slow at learning, my parents mourned that I cared more about organising my wargaming miniatures than I ever did about girls or friends, everyone around me treated me like I was a timid mouse in a world of thundering giants. But I’ve lived a more exciting life than they could ever imagine, and it hasn’t been in spite of who I am. Only someone like me could pursue these clues to such dogged ends and I gladly take the bad with the good.
The colour of the tea plates served by the Biellier Historical Society, 9 up.
Don’t let the name fool you. The Society is a private organisation for some rather unusual gentlemen who serve tea after their annual conference is finished. Crazy bastards, I can see why they need a drink once they’re finished and I’m not surprised half of them didn’t take a seat during refreshments. I’m just not sure I’ll ever look be able to look a farm animal in the eye again.
Oh, and turquoise, by the way. That was the answer.
I know things very few people know. That’s a rare privilege and, like I said, it comes with a price. It would be ridiculous to think one might look upon the fraying edges of our world without having to face some uncomfortable sights. And you might think the worst of it is a leather-bound orgy in a dungeon or perversions you can safely find on Wikipedia, but there are other lingering truths buried in the Earth and I am one of the few who have seen them. There is always more to learn, always another word to find, another puzzle to complete. And I have come a long way in my education since I first received that letter on my doorstep years ago.
The inheritor of Maeson’s oldest home, 6 down.
Albert. Albert was the named inheritor of the first house built and designed by obscure architect Harold Maeson. It was not, as almost everyone first expected, the current owner’s first born son named Alexander, but instead the old man’s male sexual interest Albert who was a rather unwilling 17 year old. Perhaps the old man thought it made up for his actions towards the boy he had kept around as a family friend for years, disguising his abuse as mentorship. Either way it caused a tremendous uproar and poor Albert wasn’t exactly thrilled to have his face all over the papers. No one could have possibly known he would be the inheritor. The will was written up in total secrecy, something I spent considerable resources finding out.
Credit where it’s due, the old man put up a fight but his death was the only way I would get my answer. I can’t speak for others, but I found the experience quite a revelation. I felt as if I’d learned profound hidden knowledge, a truth about reality found in the glassy bloodshot eyes of a man violently dying. There’s something in there, you know, something that lies just beneath our own reality. I saw a glimmer of it that night, just like I had so many others before it. It’s quite beautiful, a confusing glittering mess of contradictions and unknowable madness. It is, by definition beyond our ability to every truly know but you can still see facets of it, one bit at a time.
It’s beautiful. But… well, it’s not always so painless.
The missing piglet counted right to left, 5 up.
Eight. That was the answer. I spent all night researching fairy tales and children’s rhymes only to fall asleep at my desk sometime around 2 in the morning. When I awoke I had been moved to the sofa and my left foot was raised on the armrest and bandaged heavily. The whole tingled from anaesthesia and it wouldn’t be until noon before I could walk on it again. Anxiously, I undid the white swaddle of blood-tinged gauze and winced at the sight of my mutilated foot. The middle toe on my left foot had been amputated cleanly, the wound sewn up neatly like a cross-stitched grin. Counting right to left, I noticed it was the eighth toe missing and I have to admit I pumped my fist in the air and rejoiced at having the answer.
But the experience caught me off guard, and it might not surprise you to know that I have since looked into slowing down and maybe even taking a short break from this hobby. I’ve had to manage these tendencies in the past and I suppose this one should be no different. But there have been some difficulties. For one thing, they won’t stop sending new puzzles to me and it’s all but impossible for me to ignore them. And for another, the clues are becoming increasingly pointed.
A sea of white and flakes of gold to flood a castle of ivory, 6 down.
Cereal, right? That’s what I thought, at least until I had the unpleasant surprise of discovering a needle hidden in my cornflakes. That, it turned out, was the correct answer and I was lucky to catch it before it wound up anywhere near my mouth. The thought of that thing sliding down my throat or catching in the roof of my mouth, spearing the gum and cartilage, left me riddled with an ever-growing anxiety. Clubs have pushed things in the past, boundaries take a backseat when it comes to pursuing the absolute limit of knowledge. But it felt like such an odd inclusion for the latest puzzle, one that didn’t necessarily teach me anything. If I had the ability to trace it to a single group I might have a better sense of what it was meant to mean, but then again anonymity was always kind of the point.
The currency of a strategic withdrawal, 3 up.
I initially thought of the military, but in fact the answer was Yen and it turned out that around £50,000 worth of them had been withdrawn from my account (by myself, somehow) at the bank. God knows how that was possible, but it happened and there’s not a lot I could really do about it. I’ve written to some of the groups but as far as I can tell they’re playing coy.
I am sorry, one replied. But our puzzles are sent out as part of a weekly newsletter via e-mail. We’re not sure we’ve ever offered bespoke crosswords but we’d be fascinated to hear more if there’s anyone out there who does. It’d interest quite a few of our members, myself included.
I received similar variations to this message from just about every organisation I had listed in my ledger and frankly I found the suggestion ridiculous. I’d always assumed those newsletters were part of a front, making it appear as though the focus was on banal little puzzles about obscure military defeats while secretly directing us to brothels and illegal casinos. It made sense, perhaps, that they would maintain the ruse but an acquaintance I called wasn’t exactly reassuring.
“Well of course they’re a front,” he said. “Don’t you get the packages? I’ve had a few seedy adventures with those!”
“Oh that’s good!” I laughed while breathing a deep sigh of relief. “I was beginning to think… well, I’m not sure what I was thinking.”
“Oh yes the packages are very real,” he replied. “The Spring edition was quite a naughty affair, don’t you think?”
“Invigorating,” I smiled. “I didn’t even know where to buy a burlap sa—”
“Strawberry!? Can you imagine? The Mrs and I had a delight trying out the different flavours.”
“What?”
“Oh come now man, no need to be shy. It’s quite normal to use… lubricant,” he whispered it like a dirty secret. “Agnes suggested we try it on toast!” I hung up with his laughter still bellowing down the other line. My Spring edition of our shared club was not anything like his. I told myself that it made sense it wouldn’t, they were meant to be custom made for each participant, but it alarmed me to hear that his activities were so dreadfully banal. Most of the clues in that edition had directed me to the consumption of a range of meats including something I scraped off the side of a suspension bridge.
Nothing my friend had said to me rang true. Rightly, I should have stopped there. But… but the thing is… it was never really an option, not then and not now. I’m sure you think it’s a silly compulsion or anxiety but it’s not. I can’t do it. It’s simply not in my nature especially not now I know that God-knows-what could be lurking around the corner. I’ve explained this to myself and others before – I am task focused. I needed to finish the job at hand.
PO Box 19777, open it from within, 9 down.
I found the box with ease but there was no key nor any means to open it from within. Whatever the rationale was behind the puzzle, I thought at the time that the whole affair was beginning to frustrate me. I didn’t see any significant challenge to tracing the address, aside from finding the key which, it would turn out, was very much part of the clue. In fact, I’m still not entirely sure how they did it. I awoke to a sort of gagging sensation one night, dreaming that I had swallowed a tangle of wet hair. Only the terrible retching sensation wasn’t entirely dreamed up. Tied to my canine was a line of floss that I painfully had to pull up from my stomach. It was unnecessarily long, spooling out of my throat in a bloody tangle for a good few metres while I vomited and cried from the struggle. It took nearly half an hour to inch it out while I choked and retched but eventually I regurgitated the key, collapsing afterwards to the floor to heave and sob as I recovered.
There was a teddy bear in the locker and I didn’t find it particularly amusing. And, yes, okay, there was a mild satisfaction to getting the answer, but the rest of me was filled with a deep begrudging. I felt like the punchline to a joke that wasn’t funny.
A starry orchid’s window of choice, 7 down.
The answer was eyeball, and it turns out the consumption of the flower in question causes bloody secretions from the tear ducts, not to mention renal failure. It wasn’t easy to explain that one away, and I didn’t much appreciate the stay at a hospital. The price for that answer may one day be dialysis, but for now I hope that I may still see myself clear of such things. The doctors couldn’t say for sure what the chances were. At the very least I hoped that I might find some respite while interred in a hospital bed, but if anything it made things worse. I was not prepared to be incapacitated for so long with the knowledge that the puzzle was but one clue from completion.
I was itching furiously for the last few days, and my doctors were confounded by the state of my heart and were blind to the other tell-tale signs of anxiety. There would be no rest for me until I had finished the puzzle and I swore to myself, swore blind on my mother’s grave, that it would be the last. If things got much worse, I reminded myself, it might not be me who decides what will be my last puzzle.
When I arrived home it was with the kind of relief I never thought possible. I am forever learning more about myself and those first few steps through the front door made it clear to me I was in the thrall of some kind of addiction. No matter what the price was, I told myself over and over again that I would pay it and move on. I would change addresses if I had to or pay someone to physically slap the damn pencil out of my hand if I went to complete another crossword! God knows I have the money.
I will climb this final hurdle, I told myself, and see it through.
And yet… I don’t know. I half-expect there to be some ghoulish double-entendre hiding in the words but for the life of me I cannot see one. It seems more like a hideous joke - one I don’t really understand. I have a possible word choice and it certainly fits but… It’s been weeks and I can’t bring myself to write it in. This is the final clue! The final step at the end of this increasingly desperate adventure and I can’t figure it out. I’m half-tempted to say that I won’t see another answer because I don’t want to finish it. That might be it, surely? I’m an addict. I’ll admit that all too readily and this wouldn’t be the first time I took things too far. It’s just…
The handwriting these clues have been written in, 4 down.
I keep expecting some terrible interpretation to come true, to find a severed hand by my door, or to awake missing most of my fingers. It’s a strange thing but I have come to find myself ruminating often on the look in the old man’s eyes. For while I am sure that I saw something terrible and beautiful deep within the popping veins of those suffocating retinas, it had not occurred to me until now that something was looking back.
And it’s waiting for me to write in the final answer, though God knows it must be wrong for it simply cannot be possible that the answer is ‘mine’.

Source: Part 1 Part 2 Part 3
IM: We are now in a position where we can choose the level of suffering in the entire living world, why do it?
DP: Around 850,000 or so people worldwide take their own lives each year. Tens of millions self-harm. Hundreds of millions are chronically depressed. These grim figures are just the tip of an iceberg of misery. Words and statistics can’t begin to convey the awfulness of suffering. Yet there is hope. For the first time in history, biotechnology turns the level of suffering in the living world into an adjustable parameter. The biosphere is programmable. Even a handful of genetic tweaks could massively reduce the level of suffering in the world. If used wisely, a combination of artificial intelligence, genetic engineering and synthetic gene drives could eradicate experience below “hedonic zero” altogether. Life on Earth deserves a more civilised signalling system – a motivational architecture based entirely on information-sensitive gradients of well-being. Today, a few fortunate genetic outliers enjoy hints of how such an architecture of mind will function. In future, life based on gradients of intelligent bliss can be the global norm. CRISPR makes paradise-engineering technically feasible.
On a more sober note, the easiest way to reduce to reduce suffering in the world doesn’t rely on gene editing, advanced technology or posthuman superintelligence. The biggest source of severe and readily avoidable suffering today is animal agriculture. Factory-farming is inherently abusive. Factory-farms and slaughterhouses are morally indefensible. Our victims are as sentient as small children, and they should be treated accordingly. The death-factories must be permanently closed and outlawed. Any civilisation worthy of the name will be invitrotarian or vegan.
IM: Isn’t suffering a necessary part of life?
DP: Misery and malaise are so common that it’s easy to believe they are integral to life itself. Gautama Buddha’s “Life is suffering” sounds like a simplistic slogan to temperamentally optimistic life-lovers; but for billions of human and nonhuman animals, it’s true. For over 540 million years, suffering has been endemic to the animal kingdom. A predisposition to mental and physical pain has been genetically adaptive. Discontent promotes the inclusive fitness of our genes. Evolution via natural selection is underpinned by random mutations and the genetic casino of sexual reproduction. Natural selection is “blind” and amoral. But a revolution in genome-editing promises to transform the nature of selection pressure. Parents will shortly be able genetically to choose the pain thresholds, hedonic range and hedonic set-points of their future children. Prospective parents will pick genes and allelic combinations in anticipation of the likely effects of their choices. As the reproductive revolution unfolds, selection pressure in favour of “happy” genes will intensify at the expense of their nastier cousins. Barring revolutionary breakthroughs, growth in subjective wellbeing may only be linear rather than exponential; but genetic engineering plus the pleasure principle are a potent mix.
IM: If we do raise the hedonic range, do we lose other values/attributes worth keeping?
DP: Engineering a world of indiscriminate bliss wouldn’t merely be risky. Uniform bliss would undermine human relationships, social responsibility, personal growth and intellectual progress. Most people aren’t classical utilitarians: getting “blissed out” would entail losing a lot of what we value as well as the miseries we hate. By contrast, ratcheting up hedonic range and hedonic set-points doesn’t entail adjudicating between different secular and religious values or sacrificing anything we hold dear. Hedonic recalibration doesn’t subvert existing preference architectures. An elevated hedonic set-point can also enhance the diversity of experience; compare how depressives tend to get “stuck in a rut”. Information-sensitive gradients of well-being can preserve what humans find valuable while enriching our default quality of life. Hedonic uplift will vanquish the feelings of emptiness, futility and nihilistic despair that stain so many lives today. Post-Darwinian life based on gradients of bliss will be saturated with meaning, purpose and significance.
For sure, there are tons of complications. The biohappiness revolution will be messy. We’d do well to preserve the functional analogues of depressive realism. But the basic point stands.
IM: How is genetic engineering different from eugenics?
DP: Just as the Soviet experiment polluted the whole language of social justice, likewise the early twentieth-century eugenics movement polluted the whole language of genetic health. Consider the commitment to the well-being of all sentience enshrined in the Transhumanist Declaration (1998, 2009), or the World Health Organisation’s definition of health as set out in its founding constitution (1948): “a state of complete physical, mental and social well-being and not merely the absence of disease or infirmity.” Lifelong health as so defined is impossible with a Darwinian genome. A living world where all sentient beings are innately healthy can be created only via genetic engineering. Societal reform on its own can’t manufacture the molecular substrates of happiness. Etymologically speaking, transhuman civilisation will be the product of eugenics. So in that sense, the critics are right. But genetically engineering the well-being of all sentience is far removed from the coercive “eugenics” and race hygiene policy of the Third Reich.
That said, a multitude of legal of legal and ethical safeguards will be essential to navigate the transition to post-Darwinian life – humans are untrustworthy creatures. Not least, we should uphold and extend the sanctity of life.
IM: How do we ensure genetic engineering is used safely?
DP: All genetic experimentation is inherently risky, not least the gamble of having children. Antinatalists might support a hundred-year moratorium on untested genetic experiments; but such prudence is unrealistic. For evolutionary reasons, most people are determined to have children via sexual reproduction. So we should focus on minimising the risks of such genetic experimentation. Let’s try to balance risk-reward ratios. Preimplantation genetic screening will be hugely cost-effective. Later this century, all babies could and should be CRISPR babies. In the meantime, access to preimplantation genetic screening and counselling ought to be universal.
For example, consider the genetic dial-settings that regulate pain-sensitivity. What level of pain tolerance is optimal for our future children – and our older selves? Even now, medical science could eradicate pain altogether simply by knocking out the SCN9A gene – the so-called “volume knob” for pain. However, instant eradication of pain is too hazardous. SCN9A-knockouts would lack not just the ghastly experience of pain but also the vital function of nociception. Children with congenital analgesia need to lead a cotton-wool existence or else they come to serious harm. For now, choosing benign “low pain” alleles for our offspring is much safer. In tomorrow’s world of advanced AI and neuroprostheses, even the mildest “raw feels” of pain could be abolished. In the meantime, we can ensure that new children (and maybe our future selves) have the same exceptionally high pain-tolerance of today’s high-functioning genetic outliers: folk who say things like “Pain is just a useful signalling mechanism.”
IM: Should we still pursue genetic engineering if there was peace on earth?
DP: Suicide rates typically go down in wartime. There isn’t peace on Earth for the same reason there isn’t peace among chimpanzee troops. Nature “designed” human male primates to (be genetically predisposed to) wage territorial wars of aggression against other coalitions of male primates. Let’s assume, optimistically, that we can prevent future armed conflict without any of the biological-genetic interventions discussed here. The negative-feedback mechanisms of the hedonic treadmill would ensure that countless people would continue to suffer – even in a peaceful world without war, poverty and disease. By its very nature, Darwinian life is sentient malware. Only a biohappiness revolution can fix our sinister source code for good.
IM: What other types of human enhancement technologies will considerably affect the nature of humans?
DP: Safe and sustainable analogues of empathetic euphoriants like “hug drug” MDMA will revolutionise human relationships. Compare the quasi-psychopathic indifference to most other sentient beings that humans display now.
Robolovers, sexbots and designer aphrodisiacs will revolutionise sexual experience.
Novel psychedelics, novel genes and novel neurons will open up billions of state-spaces of consciousness as different from each other as waking life is different from dreaming life.
“Augmented” reality will be followed by full-blown multimodal immersive virtual reality.
“Narrow” superintelligence-on-a-neurochip will be accessible to all; with digital intelligence implants, sentient beings can do everything machine intelligence can do and more.
Opt-out cryonics, opt-in cryothanasia, and finally tools to defeat the biology of aging altogether will transform our conception of life and death. Transhumans will be quasi-immortal.
But in my view, mastery of the pleasure-pain axis will inaugurate the biggest revolution of all. The end of suffering promises an ethical watershed. Invincible well-being for all sentience will mark a momentous evolutionary transition in the development of life.
IM: What are some ethical considerations worth arguing about at this stage?
DP: As a transhumanist, I look forward to a glorious “triple S” civilisation of Superhappiness, Superlongevity and Superintelligence. But more concretely, I’d like to see a coordinated hundred-year Plan to overcome suffering throughout the living world under the auspices of the World Health Organization. Here are four policy proposals for a Biohappiness Revolution:

• Accelerate the development and commercialisation of cultured meat. Close and outlaw factory-farms and slaughterhouses. Rehabilitate the surviving victims.
  
• Genetically raise pain-tolerance. Genetically recalibrate the hedonic treadmill. Create life based on gradients of intelligent bliss.
  
• Offer CRISPR gene-therapy and preimplantation genetic screening and counselling to all prospective parents.
  
• Spread low-pain “happy genes” across the biosphere with CRISPR-based synthetic gene drives that cheat the “laws” of Mendelian inheritance.
  

At times, Darwinian life can be desperately grim. Yet depressive, pain-ridden people shouldn’t feel their lives are worthless. Even malaise-ridden lives can be valuable if one prevents more suffering than one undergoes. We should all aspire to be not just transhumanists but also effective altruists. Let’s use biotechnology to phase out suffering. Humans are stepping-stones to something better – something inconceivably sublime.
IM: In 2015, Bill Gates gave a chilling warning on a TED Talk that the world was in danger due to global pandemics or bioterrorism. These predictions have raised conspiracy theories that Bill is responsible for creating the novel coronavirus and the reason for his interest in developing a vaccine treatment. There are also conspiracy theories circulating about 5G technology being connected to the spread of the novel coronavirus which has led to the recent burning of 5G towers in the UK. Conversations about the use of microchips and biometrics in order to prevent future epidemics are also fueling conspiracy paranoia. Are these fears reasonable? Do they serve an evolutionary purpose or detriment?
DP: “Only the paranoid survive”, said Intel boss Andy Grove. There’s a lot that medical science still doesn’t understand about the pandemic viral respiratory illness COVID-19. However, the new corona virus was not created by Bill Gates, nor is it spread by 5G towers. Nor is it a bioweapon. The truth is more sinister. COVID-19 is a by-product of humanity’s monstrous treatment of nonhuman animals. Zoonotic disease and consequent global pandemics are inevitable as long as humans practise meat-eating. Animal abuse is catastrophic for humans and our victims. Details of the spillover infection in a dirty Wuhan meat market in November 2019 are still murky; but this viral pandemic would not have happened if humans didn’t practise animal agriculture – and then butcher sentient beings to gratify a gruesome taste for their flesh. Rather than being the villain of the piece, Bill Gates is a sponsor of “clean” cultured meat. The cultured meat revolution promises to end zoonotic pandemics, save billions of nonhuman and human animal lives, and yield cost-savings of tens of trillions of dollars by preventing future pandemics. Yet human health and safety needn’t wait for the commercialisation of cruelty-free cultured meat and animal products. Wet markets, vivisection labs, factory-farms and slaughterhouses are crimes against sentience; they should be outlawed. Future civilisation will be vegan.
IM: Humanity’s self-sabotaging nature exists in many forms. One, in particular, a form of self-assertion by denying, ignoring, or attacking what others consider to be true - the fear of others - is as subtle and universal as it is destructive. This form of self-defense mechanism so prevalent in modern society prevents people from establishing effective communication channels that are all-encompassing, flexible, and effective, in particular towards problem-solving. Could humans ever turn mindfulness, gratitude, hope, and a sense of solidarity into sustainable practices?
DP: Evolution didn’t “design” humans to be nice to each other – except insofar as friendliness promoted the inclusive fitness of their genes. Some transhumanists worry about the spectre of unfriendly artificial general intelligence; but our biggest challenge is creating sentience-friendly biological intelligence. Maybe the shock of COVID-19 will help persuade killer apes to close the death factories and accelerate an anti-speciesist revolution. Maybe the shock of COVID-19 will help persuade free-market fundamentalists that all people have a fundamental right to basic income, homes and healthcare. I’d love to believe that humans will “turn mindfulness, gratitude, hope and a sense of solidarity into sustainable practices”, as you suggest. But unless we combine dietary, political and socio-economic reform with remediation of our sinister source code, the well-being of all sentience remains a utopian dream. Depravity is hardwired into our DNA – a lot of it, at any rate. The worst of “human nature” must be genetically cured.
IM:To establish a global pandemic immunity for the novel coronavirus, our priorities are: 1. to keep people safe from getting the coronavirus through social distancing, 2. to figure out a way to contact-trace and test millions of people a day to know who can resume working, 3. to come up with treatments and vaccinations that can prevent coronavirus flare-ups, in particular third world countries, 4. to continue travel restrictions and global collaboration, 5. to improve our supply chain and infrastructure. Do you think this plan is aligned with the transhumanist goal of improving the human condition?
DP: Becoming transhuman will entail overcoming deeply-rooted ethnocentric and anthropocentric bias. COVID-19 has already triggered an upsurge in racism and xenophobia. Coronaviruses and future pathogens could be readily tamed with the aid of ubiquitous testing and tracking apps. But many people are (rightly) afraid that tracking measures introduced to tackle catastrophes like COVID-19 – biometric scanning, phone location data, credit-card information, security footage and so forth – will be used by authoritarian regimes to control rather than protect us.
IM: The success of a global plan to turn the economy around towards the sustainable implementation of a universal health care system that can successfully handle crisis depends not only on improving our own neural architecture but on re-defining our value system. Professor Stefan Lorenz Sorgner, also a distinguished philosopher of posthuman studies from Cabo University, Italy, whom I'm also interviewing in this issue of Immoralists Magazine (See: “The Future Of Digital Surveillance and Healthcare - A Conversation with World Leading Philosopher Stefan Lorenz Sorgner” APR-MAY 2020), makes a bold argument stating that when it comes to health and privacy, the problem isn’t about giving up privacy, but our understanding of what privacy means to us. He argues that people aren’t afraid of giving up privacy, but being sanctioned by the government. We soon realize that the fear isn’t the loss of privacy but the inability to live as one pleases. Stefan believes that the collection of digital data by means of total surveillance is needed and can be established through mutually beneficial contracts where citizens give access to their biometrics to governments in exchange for a free health care system that keeps everyone safe and healthy. He adds, "in order to collect all the relevant data, the data needs to be sold in between the companies or the companies and the government." Do you think that a decentralized, non-commercial, peer-to-peer system would be more effective, or could we instead establish a hybrid system that restricts government and companies access to people's biometrics?
DP: Let’s step back for a moment. Why exactly does privacy matter? The Borg has no concept of privacy. Many Christians believe that a benevolent and omniscient God is privy to their innermost thoughts and feelings. But we needn’t invoke science-fiction or theology. If mutually “loved up” on oxytocin-releasing euphoriant empathogens like MDMA (Ecstasy), people can forget about privacy and be honest with each other: oxytocin has been dubbed the “trust hormone”. More radically, the conjoined craniopagus twins Krista and Tatiana Hogan share a thalamic bridge. In a sense, they are distinct persons. But Krista and Tatiana can partially see though each other’s eyes and taste and feel what the other is experiencing. So in another sense, the twins can share a mind as well as a body. Maybe our transhuman successors will be able to “mind meld” via reversible thalamic bridges. If so, mind-melding technologies will inaugurate a revolution of true honesty – and (lack of) personal privacy – as understood by archaic Darwinian lifeforms. Science, morality and decision-theoretic rationality will be revolutionised too. By contrast, “normal” humans today are profoundly ignorant of each other. Moreover, most prefer to stay ignorant – and prefer others stay ignorant of them. For sure, humans want to feel loved, appreciated and respected. But we also want to prevent others from truly understanding us – as distinct from acknowledging our idealised public personae. Some of the reasons why contemporary humans want to preserve their privacy may be irrational – for example, embarrassment over bodies and their functions or a taste in porn. But the problem goes deeper. Social, personal and business life depends on a web of deceptions. If our dark, Darwinian minds practised “radical honesty”, then human society and personal relationships would collapse. Today, we have the justified suspicion that if other humans learned our secrets, they might exploit such knowledge to harm us.
Anyhow, to answer your question more directly: if adequate safeguards can be established, then everyone’s mental and physical health would be best served by allowing medical authorities to have full genetic and biometric data for all citizens, ideally from birth if not conception. Later this century, universal access to preimplantation genetic screening and counselling and CRISPR genome-editing should be available for all prospective parents. Centralised genetic knowledge-banks available to medical researchers would promote public health and benefit individuals and society alike.
However, the risks to personal freedom from sharing such knowledge are far-reaching. I will need to study Stefan Sorgner’s proposals properly before offering comment. But in my view, universal access to free healthcare, basic income and adequate housing shouldn’t depend on surrendering genetic privacy and other biometric details. Universal and unconditional access to healthcare, basic income and adequate housing is a precondition of any civilised society. One possible solution to the privacy dilemma may involve artificial intelligence. If implemented wisely, the practice of sharing intimate personal and biometric details with smart digital zombies won’t involve embarrassment or scope for human-style abuse. We’re already heading for a world of robo-carers, robo-nurses, robo-doctors and robo-surgeons: insentient robo-epidemiologists aren’t so different – not a Nanny State, but “Nanny AI”. But I believe this kind of AI option would need rolling out over decades. The devil is in the details.
IM: Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg and his wife Priscilla Chan are planning to partner up with the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation to begin exploring possible COVID-19 treatments. It is known that the Zuckerberg-Chan Initiative is also on a mission to “eliminate all diseases within our children’s lifetime”. How are super longevity initiatives relevant to our quest to establish a universal health care system and happiness?
DP: Humanity needs a more ambitious conception of health – the kind of conception laid out in the founding constitution of the World Health Organization. I hope that we can indeed “eliminate all diseases within our children’s lifetime”. Yet even if all recognised genetic disorders and infections were eradicated, horrific suffering would persist in the world – all sorts of physical and mental pain. Under a regime of natural selection, a predisposition to suffering and discontent is genetically adaptive. So we wouldn’t really be healthy, just not sick. Our genomes need fixing. Hence the need for a biohappiness revolution – a civilised information-signalling system underpinned by gradients of intelligent bliss. Superlongevity? Only revolutionary medical breakthroughs can abolish death and aging. We don’t yet have the knowledge. Organs and bodies can be replaced, repaired and/or enhanced indefinitely with recognisable extensions of existing technologies; but the central nervous system is more challenging to re-engineer: I’m more pessimistic than some of my transhumanist colleagues about credible time-scales for eternally youthful mind-brains. Therefore we need a twin-track approach: SENS and Calico should work together with Alcor. Universal access to cryonics and cryothanasia could potentially make a transhumanist civilization available to all sentient beings – even the elderly and infirm for whom talk of posthuman paradise is apt to sound personally irrelevant. Hormonally, I’m one of Nature’s pessimists; but I think we are destined for a glorious “triple S” civilisation of superlongevity, superintelligence and superhappiness.
IM: How does transhumanism address issues of racism and injustice?
DP: The Transhumanist Declaration (1998, 2009) affirms our commitment to the well-being of all sentience.
This goal sounds impossibly utopian. Consider just one form of injustice, economic inequality. Traditional routes to a fairer world involve “winners” and “losers”. Zero-sum games are endemic to human society. Worse, the enforcement mechanisms of greater fairness often turn out to be as bad - or worse - than the injustices they attempt to remedy. Consider the fate of socialist experiments of twentieth-century history.
Transhuman society will be different. Information-based technology promises to erase traditional left-right distinctions by creating effectively unlimited abundance of anything that can be digitised – and that embraces almost everything. (Some transhumanists claim that everything can be digitised, but let’s postpone discussion of whether conscious minds are a classical phenomenon.) Digital information is egalitarian. Intellectual-property owners may blanch, but we can now take for granted that everyone can enjoy access to the world’s musical resources, electronic games, movies and computer software. This unfolding revolution will continue into an era of augmented reality and immersive VR. Most importantly, access to genetic information and mastery of our reward circuitry will soon be democratised. Code for the biological substrates of subjective well-being doesn’t need to be rationed any more than the source code of digital music needs to be rationed. We could all become hedonic trillionaires. Many of the world’s worst inequalities aren’t economic or socio-political, but biological-genetic: disparities of mood, motivation and hedonic range. Just consider who is better off: a rich, angst-ridden depressive or a poor, healthy hyperthymic? Transhumanism promises a civilisation based entirely on gradients of intelligent bliss. Potentially, everyone can be a hedonic “winner”.
Yet what about tackling injustice now?
In my view, universal basic income (UBI), decent housing and free healthcare shouldn’t be a political left-right issue, but a precondition of civilised society. Thus broadly libertarian transhumanists such as Zoltan Istvan support UBI no less than transhumanists in the left-liberal tradition. My own gut instincts have always favoured the underdog. But the neocortex is a more effective tool of cognition than the enteric nervous system. Rich and poor, black and white, human and nonhuman animals – we are all victims of our legacy wetware. Everyone will benefit when our Darwinian source code is fixed. Any prospective parent who believes that creating new life is ethically permissible should consider preimplantation genetic screening, counselling and (soon-to-be) professional gene-editing.
Defeating racism? This really demands a treatise, but here goes. From antiquity to the present, dominant groups have convinced themselves they are intellectually, morally and spiritually superior to stigmatised outsiders – and touted “objective” measures to prove it. The evolutionary roots of racial discrimination, bigotry and xenophobia run deep. Everything from cultural stereotypes to the institutional racism in our criminal justice systems and even transgenerational epigenetic inheritance (i.e. transmission of epigenetic information through the germline) mean that the effects of systemic racism will take generations to overcome. Our posthuman successors may find the differences between human ethnic groups akin to the differences that humans discern between different dogs or mice or beetles. Yes, there are differences between different breeds of dog and mouse – and beetle! But humans can recognise that these differences are trivial compared to what all dogs, mice and beetles have in common. Likewise posthuman superintelligence vis-à-vis archaic humans. Education harnessed to intelligence-amplification can help overcome racist prejudice and other cognitive deficits of perspective-taking ability. But creating empathetic superintelligence will be a monumental challenge.
IM: How can transhumanism positively affect policies that affect all sentient life?
DP: A “triple S” civilisation of superintelligence, superlongevity and superhappiness can benefit all sentient beings.
Everyone could benefit from “narrow” superintelligence on a neurochip; Neuralink is just a foretaste of tomorrow’s implantable brain-machine interfaces. Some doomsters fear a zombie coup from runaway software-based AGI; but all the benefits of “narrow” AGI can be incorporated within one’s own CNS. So transhumans will be supersapient and supersentient. Full-spectrum superintelligence will be us, not some fanciful zombie overlord. Transhumanism also offers a richer conception of intelligence than the narrow, “autistic” component of general intelligence measured by simple-minded IQ tests: enhanced social cognition, superior co-operative problem-solving skills, an expanding circle of compassion, and the tools to explore alien state-spaces of consciousness.
Yet who will live long enough to enjoy triple-S civilisation? Unless you’re a hydra, you and your loved ones suffer from the lethal hereditary disease we call “aging”. Rejuvenating interventions such as regular therapeutic blood exchange can potentially turn back the biological clock. “Cyborgisation” and synthetic body parts will increasingly enhance, repair and replace biological organs. But full-blown body-replacement is still decades away. Therefore we need not just medico-genetic advances, but also a medico-legal revolution: opt-out cryonics and opt-in cryothanasia for life-loving oldsters. At its best, transhumanism is all-inclusive.
Critically, the biohappiness revolution won’t be race- or species-specific. Transhumanists aspire to transcend ethnocentric and anthropocentric bias. Everyone can potentially benefit from genetically programmed well-being – a civilised signalling system to replace the dismal dial-settings of a Darwinian hedonic treadmill. There is a crying need for the World Health Organization to live up to its obligations as set out in its founding constitution. Good health should be the birthright of all sentient beings – or else they shouldn’t have been conceived in the first place. I’m personally gloomy about timescales for the abolitionist project. Centuries? Millennia? I don’t know. However, a hundred-year blueprint to eradicate suffering is technically feasible. The world’s last experience below hedonic zero will mark a major evolutionary transition in the development of life on Earth.
My own focus is the plight of nonhuman animals – humble minds as sentient and sapient as small children and worthy of equivalent care. Currently, the abuse of nonhumans by humans is systematic. Factory-farming and slaughterhouses are nastier than even the most virulent racism and child abuse. Ideally, moral argument alone would suffice: I’d implore everyone to adopt a cruelty-free vegan lifestyle. But transhumanists are hard-headed. We tend to favour technical solutions to ethical problems. Cultured meat and cultured animal products once belonged to science fiction. Yet over the next few decades, the cultured meat revolution will end the horrors of animal agriculture. The death factories will close. The surviving victims will be rehabilitated. Zoonotic plagues like COVID-19 spawned by animal abuse like will pass into history. And looking further ahead, what Darwin’s grandfather Erasmus called “the great slaughterhouse of Nature” can be civilised too. The biohappiness revolution can be extended to the rest of the living world via genome editing, cross-species fertility-regulation and synthetic gene drives. The entire tree of life is programmable. For sure, pilot studies in self-contained mini-biospheres will be prudent. But post-Darwinian ecosystems won’t resemble today’s snuff movie. Post-Darwinian ecosystems will be engines of bliss.
IM: What approach would you recommend for someone that intends to recalibrate their hedonic set-point and live "better than well" in a sustainable way in the current technological paradigm, before the democratization of gene-editing arrives, assuming that all the typical healthy habits (sleep, nutrition, exercise, meaningful social interactions) have been already maxed out?
DP: Most people today have not “maxed out” their genetic potential. Optimising sleep, nutrition and exercise is more often preached than practised. Yet what about depressive people who done everything right and still aren’t happy? Maybe they have also tried nutritional supplements (omega-3 fatty acids, S-Adenosyl-L-Methionine (SAMe), St John’s wort, etc) and worked their way through the officially sanctioned mood-brighteners – “antidepressants” such as the SRRIs, MAOIs, tricyclics, bupropion and so forth. Meditation, cognitive-behavioural therapy and other non-biological interventions hasn’t produced lasting relief. Nothing works. The set-point of their hedonic treadmill is too simply low.
It’s tragic. I’ve no easy answers to the hardest cases. One of the biggest challenges to pharmacological (as distinct from genetic) remediation and enhancement is that the neurotransmitter system most directly involved in hedonic tone is the opioid system. We are all born dysfunctional opioid addicts with cravings to fix. Alas, exogenous opioids have well-known pitfalls for users, their families and society at large. That said, there is still scope for creative psychopharmacology. For example, the “French” antidepressant tianeptine - a full mu and delta opioid receptor agonist – can be combined with a selective kappa opioid receptor antagonist. (Kappa agonists induce dysphoria.) Also, perhaps add the novel agent LIH383. LIH383 blocks the atypical “scavenger” opioid receptor ACKR3. Blockade of ACKR3 increases the availability of opioid peptides that can bind to classical CNS opioid receptors, thereby increasing their “natural” mood-brightening action. The negative-feedback mechanisms of the hedonic treadmill can be sabotaged. However, this kind of cocktail of creative psychopharmacology is best explored with the aid of a medical specialist. If all else fails, the modern equivalent of “wireheading” would work. Intracranial self-stimulation is not the transhumanist vision of paradise engineering: superintelligent life based on information-sensitive gradients of bliss. Wireheading is clearly a last resort. But no one should be forced to suffer: it’s unethical.Fortunately, future sentience will be blissful.

Thursday, October 17th, 2019:

• Twenty One Pilots (10/17)https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pXRviuL6vMYThe Bandits Tour, Special Guests - Misterwives$95, Mohegan Sun Arena, 8:00PM

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Friday, October 18th, 2019:

• Harwinton Halloween FestivalDarkside Entertainment Presents: “The Rise of The Green Lady” A haunting, legendary, family experience this October 18-20th & 25th-27th @ The Harwinton Fairgrounds! This fall, as the nights draw longer and the cool damp fog settles over the grounds, discover the excitement, fear, and surprises which await. Step on our grounds (if you dare!) for nothing with free parking included. Experience free Hayride shuttles, free admission, the Largest Fall Food Truck Festival in New England, carnival rides, and of course, The Green Lady's Haunted House of Horror$5.00-$15.00, Fri, Oct 18 – Sun, Oct 20, 9pmHarwinton Fairgrounds, 150 Locust Rd, Harwinton, CT
• Haunted Trail at Harrybrooke*Be prepared to be scared! Follow a self-guided trail that winds through darkness and woods by the Still River, and through the haunted basement of the museum. Wear comfortable shoes. This is a scary event, and may not be appropriate for younger children (under 8 years old), or individuals with physical restrictions. Enter at your own risk. Concessions available.*$10, 6:00PM-10:00PM64 Lanesville Road, New Milford, CT 06776
• TOTOhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FTQbiNvZqaYGrand Theater at Foxwoods Resort Casino$25-$45, 350 Trolley Line Blvd. Mashantucket, CT 06338
• Science Straight UP! & Spooktacular Science Weekend @ The CT Science Center*Join us for Hartford’s Smartest Happy Hour as we explore Climate Change. Whether you are a climate change expert, curious, or somewhere in between, you will love the fun entertainment, refreshing cocktails, and peer-networking with an environmental twist. See how local organizations are making a difference on a global level and explore our NEW permanent exhibition “Our Changing Earth” after-hours in a kid-free environment.The Connecticut Science Center will get a little spooky and a little kooky for our annual Spooktacular Science Weekend! Have a ball at the ultimate Halloween party. Meet Mal and Evie from the Descendants, join the Baby Shark Bubble Dance Party, and see our stunning new exhibition, Our Changing Earth. Enjoy a Hocus Pocus sing along with the Sanderson Sisters and spooky surprises throughout the day.*Oct 18-20, $5 -$23.95250 Columbus Blvd. Hartford, CT 06103
• Haunted: Victorian Ghost Stories at the Mansion – Halloween Tours*Victorians were known for their riveting ghost stories and Gothic horror. From Robert Louis Stevenson’s The Body Snatcher to Oscar Wilde’s The Canterville Ghost, readers in the 19th century were deeply engrossed in dark tales from the other side. In keeping with this Victorian fascination with unexplained phenomena, the Lockwood-Mathews Mansion Museum’s Halloween tours will focus on ghost sightings as they relate to the house during the 19th century as well as its more recent history, and the compelling ghost stories that are part of Connecticut’s legends.*Oct 18-27, $10295 West Avenue, Norwalk, CT 06850
• 11th Annual Cove Side Carnival*Rides, food, games and more, right in the heart of one of the largest historic district and location of the famously inspired Witch of Blackbird Pond. Come for the history, stay for the fun! See flyer for more! High-energy thrill rides and rides just for children Also, food, games, and entertainment. A portion of the proceeds will go to support the Wethersfield Food Bank.*Oct 18-20, FREEWethersfield Cove Park, 176 Hartford Ave. Wethersfield, CT 06109
• Jurassic Quest!*Jurassic Quest is America’s largest and most realistic Dinosaur event. Our guests will walk through the Cretaceous period, the Jurassic Period and The Triassic period and experience for themselves what it was like to be among dinosaurs of all kinds. Jurassic Quest is the only dinosaur event that has true to life size dinosaurs. From the very small, to the gigantic, sky-scraping dinosaurs that can only be seen at our events, Jurassic Quest has over 80 true-to-life size dinosaurs in each of its two touring shows. In collaboration with leading paleontologists, each dinosaur was painstakingly replicated in every detail. Whether their prehistoric counterpart had skin that was scaly, had feathers or fur, Jurassic Quest has spared no expense in bringing this realism to life.*Oct 18-20, $25-$41Connecticut Convention Center, 100 Columbus Blvd, Hartford, CT 06103
• Museum Children Free Week*The White Memorial Foundation and Conservation Center is located in the Towns of Litchfield and Morris in northwestern Connecticut. Created in 1913 by Alain C. White and his sister, May W. White, the Foundation and Center today comprise 4,000 acres of forest, fields and wetlands. Visitors will find: 40 miles of trails, a nature museum, the Bantam river and shoreline, & more!*Oct 1 - Nov 5, FREE, 9am-5pmWhite Memorial Conservation Center, 80 Whitehall Rd. Litchfield, CT 06759
• Yale Mineral & Gem Symposium 2019*The main session, on Saturday, Oct. 19 from 8:15 a.m. to 4:30 p.m., will feature eight talks by prominent mineral experts. Michael T. Bycroft of the University of Warwick (England) will present the keynote address on the topic of “Gems and the Scientific Revolution.” Friday night’s session will feature a talk at 5 p.m., followed by a reception from 6 p.m. to 7:30 p.m.*Oct 18-20, $75-$100Yale Peabody Museum of Natural History, 170 Whitney Ave, New Haven CT, 06511
• Glastonbury Apple Fest 2019The Glastonbury Apple Harvest & Music Festival features two stages of live music with 28+ local & touring artists, a full midway of amusement rides, 100+ craft vendors, 25+ food trucks/purveyors, a fully stocked Harvest Pub, and the Angry Orchard 5K Road Race on the festival’s closing day. The festival is proudly presented by the CT River Valley Chamber of Commerce. Located at a bend of the Connecticut River, the Apple Harvest Festival and 5K Race has continually been ranked as one of the state’s most popular events. It’s an all-around experience that generations revisit year after yearOct 18-20, FREERiverfront Park, 300 Welles St, Glastonbury, CT

Saturday, October 19th, 2019:

• Grand Funk Railroadhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g8MYsii4DZYWolf Den @ Mohegan Sun, 8:00PM, FREE
• Dane Cookhttps://youtu.be/0iIsgzdDS3I *- Tell it like it is tour!*Mohegan Sun Arena, Uncasville, 8:00PM$29-$59
• 4th Annual Chalk Art Festival*Enjoy a day of art and entertainment in celebration of the local community in the heart of downtown New Haven and Yale University. The Shops at Yale invites all professional and amateur artists, students, and artist groups to participate in the 4th Annual New Haven Chalk Art Festival on Saturday, October 19. The Shops at Yale will provide exclusive offers to retailers and restaurants, raffles, giveaways and more! This event is free and open to the public. Rain date, October 20.*12pm - 4pm, FREEThe Shops at Yale, Chapel Street and Broadway, New Haven, Connecticut 06511
• Manchester Beer Festival*This event is being hosted by the MMNT Foundation and is open to the public. The Manchester Beer Fest will raise money for local veteran organizations, the Curtis D. Robinson Center for Health Equity, and scholarships to local graduating seniors. The Manchester Beer Fest will feature food trucks, unlimited samples (with a ticket) and a wide variety of beers from local CT breweries.*12pm - 5pm, $2515 Purnell Pl, Manchester, CT 06040
• CT Pet Expo 2019*The Family Pet Shows are designed to educate and entertain the public about the wonderful World of pets. It promotes responsible pet ownership and care in a fun filled family event. There are demonstrations and special attractions such as high flying Frisbee dogs, Reptile and bird shows, and much more. Attractions might vary by the venue. There is an outstanding venue of pet products and services for you to buy as well as pet adoptions.*10am - 4pm, $4-$11XL Center, 1 Civic Center Plaza, Hartford, Connecticut, 06103
• Harvest Market & Dog Costume Parade*The Fairfield Harvest Market features 80 vendors offering artwork, crafts, pet products, jewelry, upcycled and rustic furniture, home décor items, and beauty products. Food trucks and vendors from the weekly Fairfield Farmer’s Market will be there too.*10am-4pm, FREEHistoric Old Town Hall Green in Fairfield, 611 Old Post Road, Fairfield, CT 06824
• Let's Go Birding Together*Fall migration is upon us and it’s beautiful outside! Join us for a special celebration of inclusion and take a leisurely walk through the fields and woods of Greenwich Audubon Center to learn about the many colorful birds that live here. We will also spend time watching for migrating hawks, eagles and falcons at the center's Quaker Ridge Hawk Watch. Our “Let's Go Birding Together” (LGBT) walk is for anyone who enjoys community, adventure, and wants to get outdoors! We welcome those who identify as LGBTQ, allies, families, and anyone who wants to enjoy an outdoor experience that is fun and inclusive.*9am-12pm, $5-$8Greenwich Audubon Center, Greenwich, 06831
• Dinner in the Dark*Our primary fundraiser for the year, this event is a true culinary adventure! You will enjoy a gourmet dinner while wearing a blindfold, and we keep the menu secret. Come learn about the exciting ways we are working to transform the lives of those without sight. Be prepared for a unique sensory adventure, good food, fun, and dancing to live music!*5:30pm, $150 - $2,020Mystic Marriott Hotel & Spa, 625 North Road, Groton, CT 06340
• Goats N' PajamasOct 19 & 26, Every Sat of the month*Come with your family to put the herd to bed, cuddle with your favorite goat, and experience pure silliness together. You will be brushing the goats, feeding them, and putting pajamas, tutus, and other costumes on the goats. We will take some of the goats on a walk in the good weather, or will have a coloring contest for all ages if the weather is cold or rainy. We will end the night with a goat cuddle session and feeding the whole herd hay as their Good Night snack. We will be available to take digital pictures from your camera or ours. All ages are welcome!*6pm, $15Bradley Mountain Farm, 537 Shuttle Meadow Road, Southington, CT 06489
• You Can't Kill the Boogeyman! Halloween IV & V - Double Feature7pm - 12am, $10The Strand Theater, 165 Main Street, Seymour, CT 06483
• The Great Pumpkin Festival*This fun, family annual event is scheduled for Saturday, October 19th from 12pm - 4pm. The popular festival will take place on Stratford’s historic Boothe Memorial Park. This celebration of autumn and Halloween will include a traditional costume parade and contest, a pumpkin carving contest, horse-driven hay rides, a roaming railroad, inflatables and more. The many historic and unique buildings on the Boothe park property will be open to the public.*12pm-4pm, FREEBoothe Memorial Park, 5800 Main St, Stratford, CT

Sunday, October 20th, 2019:

• So You Think You Can Dance LIVE!*SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE is is bringing it's best dancers to Foxwoods Resort Casino on October 20! Following the continued success of the hit summer competition series and 16 Emmy® wins, Sytycd is packing up its best dancers of 2019 and touring the country this Fall with Sytycd LIVE! 2019. Sytycd LIVE! 2019 will feature the show’s Top 10 Finalists including Season 16’s winner, America’s Favorite Dancer plus soon to be announced All Star guests.*7:30pm, $40-$60The Grand Theater at Foxwoods Casino
• Llama Walk*Have you ever wanted to take a walk with a llama? You can! There are many beautiful places in and around Cornwall, Connecticut where this can take place. White Memorial Conservation Center in Litchfield is working together with Country Quilt Llama Farm to offer llama walks on any one of their 35 miles of walking trails.*2pm-3pm, $20White Memorial Conservation Center Museum, 80 Whitehall Rd. Litchfield, CT 06759
• North Haven Chili Cook Off!12pm-3pm, North Haven Town Green, 18 Church St, North Haven, 06473$10

How about check out a newly released movie this weekend!

• Zombieland: Double Tap
• Jay & Silent Bob Reboot
• Maleficent: Mistress of Evil
• Jojo Rabbit
• Trick

You can also check this link out for a ton more events all around CT!
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User Suggested Events:

• Annual Roadsmary’s Baby Pumpkin Fest at Two Roads Brewing Company Stratford
• Riot at the Eagles, original live rock music. 8pm-2am, $5 suggested donation
• Oct 15-20 The Book of Mormon @ The Bushnell
• Plainville Pumpkin Festival
• Mohawk Mountain Fall Festival
• Hartford Halloween Bar Crawl
• Harry Potter Magical Halloween Pizza Party!
• Uconn football home game vs Houston
• The Haunted Isle 2019
• Immortal Techniques Hip-Hop @ Toads Place

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I think it was removed because I posted o my Tumblr. Sorry!

Thursday, January 16th, 2020:

• Disney on Ice, January 16 - 20 Your favorite Disney stories come to life at Disney On Ice presents Celebrate Memories! Sail along with Moana on her high-seas adventure and dance with Woody, Buzz and all the Toy Story friends. Feel inspired when love wins in Frozen and dreams come true for the Disney Princesses. Share the excitement and make new memories the whole family will treasure forever! Thu.-Fri. 7 p.m.; Sat. 11 a.m., 3 p.m., 7 p.m.; Sun. noon, 4 p.m., Mon. 1 p.m. , $15-$80 XL Center, 1 Civic Center Plaza, Hartford, CT

Friday, January 17th, 2020:

• 15th Annual Festival of New Musicals,January 17 - 19 The Festival has launched more than 40 new musicals into the universe, sending them across the country, to Broadway, and around the world! Join us for a weekend filled with insider events, seminars, cabarets, and three staged readings of brand-new works as the brightest writers and performers collaborate to create the future of America's greatest art form. Packages & Tickets: Goodspeed's Festival Packages get you access to exclusive events all weekend long! Gold Package: $149, Silver Package: $80, General admission: $25, Students: $15 Fri. & Sat. 7:30 p.m., Sun. 1 p.m., The Goodspeed, 6 Main St. East Haddam, CT
• Cabin Fever PJ Party, January 17 A fun evening of movement, music and imagination. Geared for families with young children. 6:30 p.m.-7:15 p.m., Pre-registration: $5 per person, $18 family of four. At the door: $7 per person, $25 family of four. Children under 2 free, Roaring Brook Nature Center, 70 Gracy Rd. Canton, CT
• Hard Hittin Beer Shuttle, January 17 Friday night beer shuttle to Alvarium Beer Co, Five Churches Brewing, Relic Brewing and Kinsmen Brewing. There are three sessions to choose from. $20, includes transportation only. Must pre-purchase tickets online. 6:30 p.m.-10:30 p.m. $20, Relic Brewing, 95 Whiting St. Plainville, CT
• Bootlegger’s Bash: Raise a Glass to Prohibition!, January 17 Celebrate the 100th anniversary of Prohibition in 1920s style! Dance to jazz music, snap a pic (or your mug shot) in the photo booth, and sample 1920s cocktails. We’re also hosting Hartford Flavor Company for a free tasting of their locally-made liqueurs. Be sure to come dressed in your Gatsby-esque best, you might win a prize for best costume. There will even be a pop-up exhibit of “flapper” dresses from our collection on display. Cocktails and refreshments included. Guests must be 21 or older. Advance tickets can be purchased here, or you can buy tickets at the door. 7 p.m.-9 p.m., $25, Connecticut Historical Society, One Elizabeth St. Hartford, CT
• Randy Rainbow Live!, January 17 Randy Rainbow (yes, real name) is a comedian, actor, writer, host and Internet sensation best known for his viral comedy videos. His popular series of political spoofs and song parodies have garnered international acclaim and over a hundred million views. He's been called "the best thing about the 2016 GOP race" by Dan Savage and his musical tribute to the first presidential debate of 2016 (“BRAGGADOCIOUS!”) received 28 million views in its first two days. He was subsequently asked by the cast of television's Will & Grace to parodize a song which they performed during a political fundraiser for the 2016 election. Randy has also written for comedian Kathy Griffin and hosted and performed in numerous theatrical events for the Broadway, cabaret and gay communities, as well as for the Tony Awards and some of New York City's most popular night spots including 54 Below, Birdland Jazz Club, XL Nightclub and Therapy NYC where his own weekly show ran for two years. He's been seen as a talking head on VH1 and has been heard regularly as both a guest and co-host on Sirius XM Radio. He is the creator and star of the long-running BroadwayWorld.com web series Chewing the Scenery with Randy Rainbow and Last Minute with Randy Rainbow. Please Note: This performance was rescheduled from November 9, 2019. If you previously purchased a ticket for that date, it will be good for the same seat at the January 17 performance. You do not need to exchange your ticket. If you have questions, call the Box office at (860) 444-7373 Ext 1. 8 p.m., $35-$55, Garde Arts Center, 325 State St. New London, CT

Saturday, January 18th, 2020:

• Root 63 Variety Tasting, January 18 - 20 Is Root 63 your favorite wine? The vineyard now has five of them, so come in for a special tasting of all fove wines which are 100% estate grown, sustainably farmers and produced and bottled on premise. 11 a.m.-5 p.m., $10, $12 with souvenir glass., Sunset Meadow Vineyards, 599 Old Middle St. Goshen, CT
• Forest City Public Beer Tour, January 18 All inclusive public beer tour to Still Hill Brewing, Forest City, Stubborn Beauty and Tavern at the Armory. What’s Included? - Still Hill Brewing (flight or pint of beer) - Stubborn Beauty (flight or pint of beer) - Forest City Brewing (flight or pint of beer) - Tavern at the Armory (one pint of local beer from tap) + - Sampler plate consisting of jerk jerk chicken wings, shrimp spring rolls and sweet potato fries food\ *Food may change slightly depending on availability. - Safe and Reliable transportation, What to bring: Please bring a photo ID. All passengers must be 21+* Pick-Up Locations: 11:20 a.m.: Double Tree Hotel Bristol - 42 Century Drive, Bristol, CT 11:45 a.m.: Middletown Inn - 70 Main St, Middletown, CT, 11:15am - 6:00pm, $95 Bristol Double Tree Hotel Parking Lot, 42 Century Dr., Bristol, CT
• Lunar New Year Celebration with Chinese Acrobatics @ Danbury Library, January 18 Celebrate Lunar New Year with acrobat Li Liu as she performs amazing stunts and tricks including balancing, plate spinning, ribbon dancing, and more! Learn about the 2000 year old tradition of acrobatics and the rituals and customs that will help begin the year of the Rat. FREE! All ages welcome. Registration recommended.11:30 a.m. Farioly Program Room at Danbury Library, 170 Main St. Danbury, CT
• Piff the Magic Dragon, January 18 Two shows. Straight from “America’s Got Talent, it’s the greatest magic performing dragon of all time! Don’t miss this night jaw-dropping magic tricks and hysterical comedy, think Larry David in a dragon suit blowing your mind with magic tricks. Voted the Magic Circle’s Stage Magician of the Year in 2014, Piff is keen to point out that, even though he is a magician doing tricks dressed in a dragon suit and definitely plays it for laughs, his act is not really suitable for young children. 5 p.m. & 8 p.m., $40-$65, Ridgefield Playhouse, 80 East Ridge Rd. Ridgefield, CT
• Terry Fator, January 18 It’s a long journey from Corsicana Texas to the Las Vegas stage, but Terry Fator made it to the top as the headliner at the Mirage Hotel in Vegas for the past 10 years. Terry can impersonate over 100 voices with favorites being Karen Carpenter, Elton John, Garth Brooks, Justin Timberlake, Elvis, Meghan Trainor and Bruno Mars. His cast of characters includes: Winston the Impersonating Turtle; the World’s Greatest Elvis Impersonator; Elton John; Vicki the Cougar; President Donald Trump and annoying neighbor Duggie. 8 p.m., $49-$80, Palace Theater, 100 East Main St. Waterbury, CT
• Everclear with Paul Gabriel Blues Band, January 18 Everclear has written and recorded some truly iconic 1990s alt-rock hits. And while it’s a virtual surety that no Everclear gig is complete without a rendition of “Santa Monica” and “Father of Mine,” lately the band has found that exploring the full range of past material, especially the “deep cuts,” not only gives fans a rare treat, it also injects new life into the band’s live dynamic. Formed by Art Alexakis in 1991 in Portland, Oregon, Everclear has enjoyed a lengthy career spanning 11 studio releases (three of which went platinum), numerous videos, thousands of shows and accolades that include a 1998 Grammy nomination for Best Rock Instrumental. Like a true survivor, Alexakis has soldiered on through multiple lineup changes over the years. The current touring lineup features longtime members Dave French (guitar) and Freddy Herrera (bass), as well as drummer Brian Nolan. 8 p.m. $35-$70, VIP $185., The Klein Auditorium, 910 Fairfield Ave. Bridgeport, CT

Sunday, January 19th, 2020:

• Tacos & Tequila Fiesta, January 19 Celebrate all things Tacos & Tequila at Foxwoods Resort Casino. Foxwoods is celebrating Cinco de Mayo a few months early. ¡Diecinueve de Enero. Enjoy taco and tequila samples from over 20 companies. Dance along to a live mariachi band or show off your skills on the mechanical bull. It's not a tasting, it's a fiesta! Prices: Blanco ($15) : Includes entry into Tacos & Tequila, you can purchase food and drink. Perfect for designated drivers. Reposado ($45): Includes entry into Tacos & Tequila, 2 Taco Samples and 3 Tequila Samples. Additional food and drink available for purchase. Anejo ($80): Includes entry into Tacos & Tequila, four taco samples and six tequila samples, unlimited Margaritas for one hour. Additional food and drink available for purchase. 4 p.m., Premier Ballroom at Foxwoods Resort Casino, 350 Trolley Line Blvd. Mashantucket, CT

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Find more things to do this weekend here!
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Check out some new movies like these:

Friday, January 10th
The Informer
Like a Boss
Underwater
Friday, January 17th
Bad Boys for Life
Dolitte

Please, feel free to add any events below! Check out the Events Calendar and Visitor's Guide for more info!

Looking to meet up with people? Check out Meetup St. Louis.

New Year's Eve Events

• Ballpark Village
  • Ballpark Village is ringing in this New Year with added entertainment featuring the region's best DJ's along with the Pop 2000 tour hosted by Chris Kirkpatrick of *NYSNC with performances by O-Town, Ryan Cabrera & LFO's Brad Fischetti.
• Brennan's Work & Leisure
  • Brennan’s Work & Leisure and Anti-Agency invite you on a space odyssey to celebrate the New Year, 2020.
  • Once aboard the ship, enjoy a premium bar selection, heavy appetizers of the future by Chef Josh Galliano (Companion Bakery, The Libertine) and interstellar desserts by Pastry Chef Tai Davis. Groove to the night's soundscape provided by DJ Black Guy, then step into the Zero Gravity Live Feed Photo Booth to send evidence of your journey back home.
  • All passengers must report to the orbiter near midnight for a live music performance, projection show and champagne toast to the New Year. Dress: modern cocktail attire / space shuttle launch
• Casino Queen
  • Casino Queen invites area residents to partake in one of St. Louis’ biggest parties of the decade during its New Year’s Eve celebration on Tuesday, December 31. Guests will enjoy a specialty buffet, live DJ cranking out the tunes on the casino floor, a countdown to midnight with party favors for all and exclusive prize giveaways throughout the evening.
• Chase Park Plaza
  • Dress to impress for 7th Annual New Year's Eve Ball at The Chase Park Plaza. The celebration takes place in the legendary Khorassan Ballroom and will feature musical performances of DJ Greasy, Lamar Harris & The L, and a Frank Sinatra tribute.
  • Also, the event will have a premium open bar, passed hors d'oeuvres, a balloon drop, and a champagne toast at midnight.
• Downtown NYE Bar Crawl
  • Take your tribe into the New Year at the 2020 NYE (New Year’s Eve) Bar Crawl taking place Tuesday, December 31, 2019 at many locations in St. Louis
  • Washington Ave Venues (List Can Change)
    • Lucas Park Grille (1234 Washington Ave)
    • Flannery's (1324 Washington Ave)
    • Rosalita's (1235 Washington Ave)
    • Hair Of The Dog (1212 Washington Ave)
    • 314 The City Bar (1137 Washington Ave)
    • Missouri Bar & Grill (701 N Tucker)
    • OveUnder (911 Washington Ave)
  • The Landing Venues (List Can Change)
    • Big Daddy's Landing (108 Morgan St)
    • Morgan Street Brewery (721 N 2nd St)
    • The Lou Eats & Drinks (710 N 2nd St)
• Evangeline’s Bistro and Music House
  • On New Year's Eve, Evangeline’s Bistro and Music House will host live music of all genres beginning at 6 p.m. until 12:45 a.m. The restaurant's full menu is served until 10 p.m. with a complimentary appetizer buffet from 10 p.m. to 12:30 a.m. and a champagne toast at midnight. No cover; cash bar. Tuesday, December 31, 6 p.m. to 12:45 a.m.
• From Skybar & Union 30
  • Your evening begins with a three-course, prix fixe dinner at the swanky Union 30 restaurant in Hotel Saint Louis, where options include a 30-ounce tomahawk ribeye, a 24-ounce dry-aged sous vide pork chop, or king crab legs. The $125 price includes admission to the NYE Blast at FORM Skybar on the 14th floor, which will host the Kim Massie Band, an open premium bar, and an appetizer buffet. There’s no charge for the prime view of the fireworks show at Kiener Plaza
• Four Seasons
  • In one of the most picturesque locations in all of Downtown St. Louis, meet us in the exclusive Sky Lobby to ring in the New Year. Recreating the eclectic energy of New York City, join us to watch the ball drop under the stars at midnight and move your feet to Spanky's Dueling Piano!
• Gateway Arch Riverboats
  • Ring in the new year with a view of the magnificent St. Louis skyline at this party cruise hosted by the Gateway Arch Riverboats. Featuring an elegant three-course dinner, open bar, DJ entertainment and a midnight champagne toast, the fun kicks off at 9 p.m. Reservations required.
• Helium Comedy Club
  • Ring in the New Year with an evening filled with laughter courtesy of Ryan Niemiller! Skip the chaos of the bars and enjoy a special night with food and drinks from the comfort of our restaurant, bar, lounge, and showroom.
• Hollywood Casino
  • Put a little Great Gatsby in your New Year’s Eve celebration with the Roaring '20s New Year’s Eve party at Hollywood Casino.
• Hyatt Regency
  • Ring in the new decade with two ballrooms with live music and fun at Hyatt Regency St. Louis at The Arch’s Ultimate New Year’s Eve Party. The celebration will include a delicious dinner buffet, an open bar, photo booth, party favors and live music throughout the evening from Groovethang and Broseph.
• The Last Hotel
  • Celebrate the last day of 2019 at The Last! Join others in the Lobby Bar + on their fabulous Rooftop and toast to the New Year in style.
• Molly's in Soulard
  • Get ready to party! Molly's In Soulard has one of the THE BEST New Years Eve parties in STL. They've got: 5 open bars, Two balloon drops, Champagne toasts, VIP buffets, VIP tables, and cabanas
• POP & Baileys' Chocolate Bar
  • One of the more appropriate places to ring in the new year and decade is POP, Dave and Kara Bailey’s bubbles bar and restaurant in Lafayette Square. This year, POP and Baileys’ Chocolate Bar (located upstairs) have teamed up to provide an all-inclusive celebration on December 31. The all-inclusive celebration begins at 9 p.m. Food stations include appetizers from POP and specialty desserts from Baileys’ Chocolate Bar. Tickets include beer, wine, bubbles, and cocktails, including chocolate martinis and dessert cocktails.
• Powell Symphony Hall
  • Music Director Stéphane Denève and the SLSO bring 2019 to a close at the BMO Wealth Management New Year’s Eve Celebration. Enjoy an evening of music and surprises at St. Louis’ best-kept secret. Bring family and friends together for this musical celebration you’ll remember throughout 2020.
• Tin Roof
  • Out with the old and in with a new decade. Celebrate with Tin Roof at their NYE "End of a Decade" Black and White Ball. Dress up in your best or come as you are and catch the best live music and DJ's around.
• Westport Social
  • Celebrating NYE at Westport Social means you can play like a kid while partying like an adult. For just a $25 cover, guests can play the full range of games at the Westport Plaza watering hole while also indulging in a balloon drop and champagne toast at midnight and dance to live music.
• Wheelhouse
  • Another year in the books and there’s no other holiday party like Wheelhouse NYE. And nothing is better than closing out 2019 and starting 2020 with you, your closest friends and WH doin’ what they all do best, wild out.

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• Anheuser Busch Brewery Lights
  • November 22, 2019 - December 30, 2019
  • Brewery Lights is a family-friendly event, open to all ages at no cost. Guests can attend every Friday through Sunday, from 5 to 10 p.m.
  • Join others when they Flip The Switch on November 22nd with St. Louis Blues Captain, Alex Pietrangelo.
  • Witness and experience the magic of more than a million twinkling lights during the 34th annual Brewery Lights at the Anheuser-Busch St. Louis Brewery! Guests are invited to stroll down Pestalozzi Street to marvel as the brewery is turned into a remarkable holiday experience with something for everyone, including a Kids Zone.
• Candy Cane Lane
  • December 2019
  • Every holiday season, the neighbors of this Saint Louis Hills street transform this ordinary lane into a winter wonderland that most of St. Louis knows as “Candy Cane Lane.” Hundreds of strands of Christmas Lights are strung, inflatable snowmen and Christmas trees are blown up, wreaths are hung, and even sand displays are made. Every year, hundreds of family-packed cars drive down Candy Cane Lane to see the wonderful Holiday sights.
• Disney on Ice Presents: Celebrate Memories
  • January 2-5, 2020
  • Your favorite Disney stories come to life at Disney On Ice presents Celebrate Memories, coming to Enterprise Center January 2-5! Sail along with Moana on her high-seas adventure and dance with Woody, Buzz and all the Toy Story friends. Feel inspired when love wins in Frozen and dreams come true for the Disney Princesses. Share the excitement and make new memories the whole family will treasure forever!
• First Fridays at the St. Louis Science Center
  • January 3, 2020
  • Learn the real science behind science fiction and mingle with others interested in the geekier side of life. Each month, First Friday features a different theme, hands-on activities, pub-style trivia, engaging presentations, photo opps for showing off your costume, and food and drink specials.
• Garden Glow at the Missouri Botanical Garden
  • November 23, 2019 - January 4, 2020
  • Garden Glow features a million lights surrounding visitors with a spectacle of unique installations amid some of the Garden’s most iconic locations. Enjoy interactive photo opportunities, traditional holiday music and festivities, delicious food and drinks and more as the Garden is transformed around you into a winter wonderland.
  • Santa will visit Garden Glow from 5 to 8 p.m. on Monday and Tuesday nights from November 25 through December 17. (Note: Garden Glow is not open on Dec. 9.)
• History Made: St. Louis Blues Exhibit
  • Running until January 26, 2020
  • History was made on June 12, 2019. It’s a date that will forever live in St. Louis sports history. On that day, the St. Louis Blues hoisted the Stanley Cup for the first time. On Tuesday, Oct. 1, 2019, the Missouri History Museum, in collaboration with the St. Louis Blues, will open History Made.
  • Featuring more than 20 artifacts on loan from the St. Louis Blues from the historic playoff run and the Stanley Cup Finals, History Made tells the story of the underdog team that took home the NHL’s highest honor and united its community in the process.
• Holiday in the Park at Six Flags
  • November 23 - January 1, 2020
  • A dazzling winter spectacular featuring more than a million glittering lights, holiday entertainment, delicious seasonal treats, visits with Santa and many of our popular theme park rides. Combine holiday traditions with a thrilling family experience that is uniquely Six Flags.
  • Six Flags St. Louis extends its season and will be open weekends and select weekdays from November 23 through January 1, 2020 for this one-of-a-kind magical event.
  • A unique mix of holiday cheer with some of your favorite coasters & thrill rides makes Holiday in the Park a family tradition like no other. Meet Santa Claus in the North Pole or jump on Mind Eraser or Roar for a mid-winter rush. Then you can roast marshmallows near a cracking wood fire before you catch one of our many holiday shows.
• Holiday Spirits Holiday Pop Up Bar
  • November 29, 2019 - January 9, 2020
  • Looking for somewhere new to get your party on this Holiday Season? For just a few weeks only, Oaked will be providing the very best in holiday-themed libations, good food, and an immersive atmosphere.
  • Housed in a historic brick building with almost 6,000 sq. feet of space (excluding the outdoor heated patio & bar), featuring 3 bars, and 2 levels of fun. Once inside, you’ll be transported to a Winter Wonderland and treated like family. Santa Claus will be on hand to spread holiday cheer and greet our guests as they arrive.
  • Oaked is located at 1031 Lynch St. St. Louis, MO 63118
• Kwanzaa: Festival of the First Fruits at the Botanical Garden
  • Kwanzaa is a Swahili term that means “first fruits,” and this contemporary African-American holiday centers around the feast table of the harvest. A Kwanzaa ceremony highlights a day of storytelling, craft and jewelry displays, and authentic African drumming and musical performances.
• The Loading Dock Ice Rink in Grafton, IL
  • November 23, 2019 - March 8, 2020
  • It’s that time of year! The Loading Dock Bar & Grill in Grafton is gearing up for the Grand Re-Opening of their Ice Skating Rink on Saturday, November 23rd. Each November The Boatworks is transformed into a Winter Wonderland offering ice skating, s’mores tables, and a full menu and bar, that is sure to entertain adults and kids alike.
  • The rink will be open Friday, Saturday, & Sunday through March 8. 2020 with extended hours during Thanksgiving and Christmas breaks. Special events this year include a visit from Santa and a New Years Eve party.
• Miracle Christmas Pop Up Bar
  • November 25, 2019 - December 31, 2019
  • Venue: Small Change 2800 Indiana Avenue St. Louis, MO 63118
  • Miracle is a Christmas-themed pop-up cocktail bar that serves holiday cocktails in a festive setting. With kitschy holiday décor, professionally-developed cocktails and the nostalgic energy of the best office party you’ve ever been to, Miracle is sure to get even the grouchiest grinch in the holiday spirit.
• Polar Express Train Ride
  • November 29, 2019 - December 30, 2019
  • Guests will take a real train ride from St. Louis Union Station to the 'North Pole' and discover the magical journey of one boy's search for the real meaning of Christmas. The Train Ride departs from St. Louis Union Station for a 45-minute adventure to the North Pole. The train ride is promised to be filled with magic, songs, and cheer.
• Soulard Farmer's Market
  • Wednesday - Saturday
  • 8:00 AM - 5:00 PM
  • Soulard Farmers Market is located at 730 Carroll Street in St. Louis, Missouri, a half mile north of the Anheuser-Busch Brewery. The market is open Wednesday through Saturday, year round. They feature locally grown and shipped in goods, including: produce, meats, cheeses, spices, gourmet kettle corn, flowers, baked goods, and general merchandise. There are also several different eateries that have many food options, which allows customers the convenience to grab a quick bite to eat and a drink while shopping.
• Steinberg Ice Skating Rink in Forest Park
  • November 15, 2019 - March 1, 2020
  • Steinberg Skating Rink is the largest outdoor ice skating rink in the Midwest, offering public skating all day, everyday—including all holidays. Your skate admission is valid for all day. You may arrive at anytime during business hours & skate as long as you like.
• Up on the Rooftop Holiday Pop-up Cocktail Experience
  • November 29, 2019 - December 31, 2019
  • Go "Up on the Rooftop" for a whimsical holiday cocktail pop-up experience with extreme decor and delicious seasonal drinks, small plates and more. Three Sixty at the top of the Hilton at the Ballpark overlooks the downtown lights and the glowing Gateway Arch. Cozy indoor spaces and outdoor patio fire pits.
• Wild Lights at the Saint Louis Zoo
  • November 29, 2019 - December 30, 2019
  • Wild Lights at the Saint Louis Zoo offers a chance for you to stroll through an enchanting holiday experience.
• WinterMarkt at Urban Chestnut
  • November 30, 2019 - December 21, 2019 (Saturdays Only)
  • Usher in the holiday season with a “traditional” European WinterMarkt at Urban Chestnut’s Midtown Brewery & Biergarten. Eat, drink, and be merry with local vendors on hand for holiday shopping
• Winter Wonderland at Tilles Park
  • November 22, 2019 - January 2, 2020
  • 5:30 pm - 9:30 pm
  • Enjoy a stroll through more than one million twinkling lights at Winter Wonderland. Tickets are $6, not including MetroTix fees. Pre-registration is required. Dogs on a leash, cameras, strollers and wagons are all welcome. Desserts, hot chocolate, and other beverages will be available for purchase. Also, be on the lookout for a special visitor from the North Pole until 8:45 pm!
• Winterfest at the Arch
  • November 23 - January 26, 2019 (Fridays, Saturdays, Sundays)
  • A favorite St. Louis winter tradition for all ages, the fourth annual Winterfest, presented by Bank of America and World Wide Technologies returns to Kiener Plaza and features a community ice rink, a Winter Market shopping district, reserved Igloo seating with Sugarfire table service and more exciting events than ever before.

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Sporting Events This Week

• St. Louis Cardinals schedule
• St. Louis Blues schedule
• St. Louis FC schedule
• Gateway Grizzlies schedule
• Gateway Motorsports Park

Attractions Around the Area

• Anheuser-Busch Brewery
• City Museum
• Gateway Arch
• Missouri History Museum
• National Blues Museum
• St. Louis Aquarium
• St. Louis Art Museum
• St. Louis Science Center
• St. Louis Zoo

Recurring Outdoor Activities

• Big Muddy Adventures – STL Riverfront Adventure
  • Big Muddy Adventures was established in 2002. They are the first professional outfitteguiding company providing access to the wild wonders of the Middle Mississippi and Lower Missouri Rivers.
• Hidden Valley Zip Tour
  • ZipTour zip lines take about 2.5 hours to complete. Tours run from 10 a.m. to 7 p.m. Riders are assigned to tour groups which are escorted through the course by two safety guides.
• Hidden Valley Ski Resort
  • Running until March 1, 2020
  • Always check the Snow Report before coming out to Hidden Valley for updates on snow and tubing conditions. Skiing, snowboarding, and tubing are weather-dependent activities and conditions and hours are subject to change without notice.​

Recurring Events on the Mississippi River

• Gateway Arch Events

Comedy This Week

• Funny Bone Comedy Club
• Helium Comedy Club
• The Improv Shop

Live Music This Week

• SoFar St. Louis
  • Experience the Gateway to the West with Sofar! From The Grove to Cherokee Street to The Loop, they're reimagining live events through curated, secret performances in intimate settings. Come mingle with touring acts, local and international artists, fellow music lovers and our imaginative hosts.
• St. Louis Symphony Concert Calendar
  • Celebrated as one of today's most exciting and enduring orchestras, the St. Louis Symphony Orchestra is the second-oldest orchestra in the country, marking its 140th year with the 2019/2020 season and its first with Music Director Stéphane Denève. Widely considered one of the world's finest orchestras, the SLSO maintains its commitment to artistic excellence, educational impact, and community connections – all in service to its mission of enriching lives through the power of music.
• This calendar includes the following venues.
  • Blueberry Hill Duck Room
  • Delmar Hall
  • Halo Bar
  • The Pageant
• Other Live Music Venue Calendars
  • Atomic Cowboy
  • BB's Jazz, Blues & Soups
  • Chesterfield Amphitheater
  • Broadway Oyster Bar
  • Enterprise Center
  • The Fabulous Fox Theatre
  • Fubar
  • Game 6 Honky Tonk
  • Firebird
  • Off Broadway
  • Old Rock House
  • Sheldon Concert Hall
  • Stifel Theatre
  • St. Louis Blues Museum
  • The Ready Room
  • Venice Cafe

Schwarz – Black, and Wald – Forest. Simple.
The official tourist website is very extensive - https://www.blackforest-tourism.com/ as is - https://www.black-forest-travel.com/ . Each end also has it’s own regional tourism website: the northern Black Forest National Park (Nationalpark Schwarzwald), and the southern High Black Forest (Hochschwarzwald). Those should cover just about everything you could want.
The Black Forest is a roughly 60% forested mountain/hill range in south western Germany stretching down from Karlsruhe to the Swiss border. It never gets THAT high: at 1493m Feldberg is only just above the local tree-line. Generally speaking the northern part tends to be more touristy, and the southern end is the higher (and can offer some good Alpine views in the right weather conditions). What the actual area covered by it can be hard to define; some definitions go all the way down to the Rhein, others stop with the trees.
Something about it seems to give people romanticised ideas (and many others sell it hard on that), making it sound like a magical location (indeed many people seem to – falsely - think that all the Grimm’s fairy tales originate from here). Maybe just the name itself does that. I certainly had such feelings that it was an exotic and exciting place when I went there the first time. However having been back many times I would say it is not a truly unique place (you can find comparable landscapes all over Germany and central Europe) and it isn’t any more dark or sinister than any other forest. but is still very nice and you do get scenes like this painting. I think it works better if you think of it as an outdoor activity area for those from northern/central Europe, rather than as a must-see for someone coming from the USA or Australia.
Mark Twain wrote about it in “A Tramp Abroad”, which is free to read but that bit is much weaker than his accounts of Switzerland. Including the quote about the spas "Here . . . you lose track of time in ten minutes and the world in twenty" which is used by apparently everybody who writes about the area.

• There are three clichés which are usually beaten to death: Cuckoo clocks, cakes, and ham. These are covered in more detail further down.
  
• The other cliché thing is the hat with big red balls, the Bollenhut. Though oddly it was just a thing in a few protestant villages, but has now been taken to represent the mostly catholic Black Forest as a whole.
  
• Tourism is a major source of income (originally tourism kicked off due to the spas which are still open). But tourism tends to be heavy in some areas and almost non-existent in others. It is very easy to find a quiet bit of woodland or hilltop. It is far enough from most standard European destinations to be more of a “passing-through” spot for people from further away so mass tourism mostly isn’t a problem outside of a few focal points like Triberg.
  
• Towns/villages are best seen as starting points or easy places to reach, rather than the main focus (other than bigger places like Freiburg). Some are pretty, but none are very big and are just a nice place to grab some food or supplies. The most interesting sight is the giant wooden farmhouse which are very indicative of the area. Though most modern buildings are a fairly standard concrete design which keeps the overall aesthetics, but just isn’t the same.
  
• Being mountainous the weather is a little more extreme than the surrounding areas, but only a little (this is not the high Alps). It still pays to check ahead and prepare of course. During summer weather is warm and sunny enough to grow wine, but there is also a very high rainfall and there can be cold snaps. It can be very snowy in winter, though in recent years this has been drastically reduced. The main problem in winter is the fog, so plan to go to the higher parts (if possible over 1000m) to avoid that.
  
• Being a widely populated and touristy area you are never that far from food and shelter. But there can still be danger if you are caught out by the weather.
  
• Clearly German is the default language. Getting by in other languages should be easy enough in the tourist hotspots. Though it might be a bit more hit and miss in the quieter and more remote areas. There is a local Alemannische dialect but that won’t be anything to worry about unless you want to eavesdrop on the locals.
  

Just to ruin a few magical things…..

• The cake was probably not invented in the Black Forest. More on that later.
  
• It isn’t especially linked to any fairy tales. There are some local myths and tales like any region has. But the Brothers Grimm were never known to even visit the area (plus they collected/recorded/edited as an academic exercise into culture, rather than wrote the tales), they lived further north - hence the Fairy Tale Road is up around Marburg and Kassel. So most of their works are more local to Hesse/Westphalia (though they would have existed in various forms all over the region of modern Germany, and some were told to them by French Huguenots). By all means read their tales (though ideally in the first edition version) take in the atmosphere and imagine the places that could be just like the stories, just don’t think that the itself Black Forest inspired those exact stories.c
  
• It isn’t much of an ancient forest – the region was heavily deforested by 1850 with a monoculture of fast growing Spruce planted to replace the missing woods. Efforts have been made to fix this and it is looking much better, but it can still be very apparent in some parts.
  
• Dark on Netflix is filmed in the Brandenburg/Berlin area – totally the wrong side of the country. The landscape is far too flat, and the brick houses are a rare sight in the south of Germany.
  
• Gummy bears come from Germany but were invented in Bonn. The Black Forest Gummy bears that Americans go on about are made in the USA and unknown elsewhere. Showing the advert to my Black Forest native girlfriend produced something of a confused reaction.
  
• You probably didn’t play here in Age of Empires 2. With the language set to German you are instead playing in “Dunkelwald” (dark forest). The Black Forest map is the right sort of region, but far too flat.
  

Getting around
Realistically you need a car to explore the area properly. You can still see some parts easily enough without a car, but you will be a little limited and much slower (figure 2x the travel time).

• The main scenic drive is the Schwarzwald-Hochstrasse, but there is also apparently: the Valley Road, the Spa Road, the Baden Wine Road, the Asparagus Road, and the Clock Road. Though most driving in the area will be scenic, especially on the quieter backroads.
  
• Driving is mostly easy, but can be a little round-about with so many hills requiring diversions around them. Smaller roads might be narrow without markings down the centre, and single lane roads going up to or connecting smaller villages are not uncommon. Cyclists can be a surprise and then hard to overtake on the windy roads, then from behind you have motorbikes who are often suicidal and will try and overtake you on blind corners.
  
• There are forest car parks that offer free parking. So it is very easy to park at the start of a hike or by a scenic lookout.
  
• There are a few train lines, but the coverage is really far from total. There are also a few with historic trains running: Waldenburg-Liestal, Ettlingen-Bad Herrenalb (the Albtalbahn) and the Dampfzug Chanderli, between Kandern and Basel.
  
• Bus routes from Freiburg to the bigger tourist spots tend to be slow but will do the job. Those covering smaller villages in quieter areas tend to be the “once or twice a day and stop everywhere” sort.
  
• If you are using public transport then the Baden-Württemberg-Ticket offers a cheap day pass for local transport in the region, and it gets cheaper for each extra person in your group.
  

What to do
Outdoor activities are pretty much the main reason to go. The winters are getting increasingly less snowy. So the area is starting to focus more on hiking and biking that can increasingly be done year round.
hiking
There are well marked paths everywhere covering everything from short and easy to multi-day long distance routes. Sign posts give you destinations, and the distance to get there in km (as opposed to the time estimate in Switzerland).
A quick google of the area you plan to be in should bring up plenty of ideas.
Eg:
https://www.komoot.com/guide/37/hiking-in-the-black-forest
https://www.outdooractive.com/en/hikes/loerrach/hiking-in-loerrach/1453476/
https://monkeysandmountains.com/tips-for-hiking-in-the-black-forest-germany/
Biking
There are a mix of local loops and long distance routes.

• The white and green routes that are well signposted do a good job of keeping you away from traffic: either on quieter backroads, or on gravel roads through the forest. In places where you have to follow a major road there will at least be a safe side path.
  
• The yellow signs are the mountain bike cross routes. This is distance and height gain on gravel-paths rather than single trails and technical downhills. I plan to do the Schwarzwald-cross route at some point in the future, though maybe cutting the length of some of the harder sectons….
  
• Ebikes are becoming very popular. In more touristy spots you might see more groups on ebikes than hikers.
  
• There are a number of dedicated mountainbike parks. EG: https://bikepark-todtnau.de/
  
• There are vast amounts of double or single trail paths that go through the forest which you can use. Often the marked footpaths follow gravel-roads rather than single trail, so it is easy to follow them. But this can be a little hit and miss with making the distances and climbs longer and harder.
  

Winter sports
When there is enough snow there are lots of cross-country skiing options. Downhill skiing is mostly bunny slopes, though some areas like around the Feldberg are more extensive. However the snow in recent years has been so poor that you are more likely to need a mountain bike than a pair of skis.
View points
Too many to list.
Castles and ruins
There are not many castles in the Black Forest, mostly you will find the odd ruin.

• Erberstein
  
• Schloss Hohenbaden. A ruin.
  
• You have some impressive castles and fortresses in the region. Like Hohenzollern Castle, Lichtenstein Castle, Heidelberg, Neuf-Brisach, Château du Haut-Kœnigsbourg. But these are very much not in the Black Forest.
  
• Klosterruine Hirsau.
  

Where to go
I have mapped out the places listed below.
In general if you pick a random point you will probably find something nice around it.
In December many of these places have Christmas Markets, especially Freiburg.
Main tourist spots
Triberg, Titisee, Feldberg, and Baden-Baden are arguably the biggest tourist focal points inside the Black Forest. Anywhere within a short hop of the bigger urban areas like Freiburg will also likely be quite busy on nice days.

• Freiburg (im Breisgau). Not really Black Forest (depending on who you ask), but a nice city and a good entry point.
  
• Titisee (yes that is Titi-lake). REALLY TOURISTY. The historical home of tourism in the area, also home to a slightly comical number of boats.
  
• Feldberg. The highest point in the Black Forest. See also the Feldsee just below it.
  
• Schluchsee. A slightly quieter lake than the Titisee. It is a dammed lake so the changing water level leaves the sides a bit barren, and the north side is dominated by a busy road that gives you the roar of motorbikes anywhere in the area. By far the nicest part of the lake is the restaurant/café at Unterkrummenhof-Schluchsee.
  
• Rothaus Braueri. The makers of the beer that dominates much of the region. They have a barestaurant/shop/exhibition/hotel at their brewing site.
  
• Mummelsee.
  
• Baden Baden. The classic spa/casino town. Like Freiburg it isn’t really the Black Forest, but makes a good starting point.
  
• Triberg. REALLY TOURSITY. See also the local waterfall which is apparently the highest in Germany.
  
• There are quite a few Rödelbahn (alpine coasters).
  
• Altensteig.
  
• Baiersbronn. A higher end resort town with lots of fancy restaurants.
  
• Open air museum Vogstbauernhof
  
• Allerheiligen. Featuring a pretty waterfall and a ruined monastery.
  
• Staufen
  
• Wolfach.
  
• Hexenlochmühle (witch hole mill)
  
• The Kinzig valley, including Gengenbach and Schiltach.
  
• Schloss Hohenbaden.
  
• Hausach.
  
• Bad Wildbad.
  
• Gutachtal.
  
• Ravennaschluct and the Christmas Market there.
  
• Donauquelle (source of the Danube river).
  

Other spots
These might also be touristy to some extent, but probably far less so.

• Wutachschlucht.
  
• Sankt Blasien (a surrealy big church in a small valley).
  
• Kloster St. Peter auf dem Schwarzwald.
  
• Geroldsau Waterfall.
  
• Zweribach Waterfall.
  
• Freudenstadt.
  
• Alpirsbach.
  
• Bernau.
  
• Menzenschwand.
  
• Herzogenhorn.
  
• Calw.
  
• Nagold.
  
• Schitach.
  
• Hornisgrinde.
  
• Alternativer Wolf- und Bärenpark
  

Food and drink
Separating truly Black Forest and anything from that region is a little hard. Being a rural area there are plenty of local jams/honey/etc on sale

• Schwarzwälder Kirschtorte (Black Forest gâteau/cake). Quite why it got the name is unclear and there are various stories, it might be the flavouring with Kirsch (hence the name in German). The origin of the cake itself is also seemingly uncertain, with there being no absolute proof that it originated in the Black Forest. More likely it seems to have come from Bonn. You can certainly find it easily and enjoy it in the Black Forest though.
  
• Schwarzwälder schinken (Black Forest Ham). A smoke-cured raw ham. In Europe this has regional protection, so it has to be produced in the region to a certain standard to have the name. The name seems to resonate strongly with people from the USA - where it is not under any protection and seems to be a common exotic sounding description slapped on the name of any old pork product (this can vary from something respectable looking, to a level of “DEAR GOD WHAT THE IN NAME OF FUCK IS THAT”). Whatever it is that Subway sells has certainly never been anywhere near the Black Forest. There is apparently a museum about the meat in Musbach bei Freudenstadt, and certainly one at the Feldberg. There is even a ham themed hiking route.
  
• Beer. Rothaus is the most common beer in the area, and can increasingly be found further and further away. Waldhaus is a favourite of mine, and there are numerous others. Again the tourism website is quite informative (though not all inclusive).
  
• Other Alcohol. The cherry brandy Kirsch(wasser) is the most famous and traditional. There are various other fruit based Schnapps. There are also more modern drinks like Whiskey such as the Marder Whiskey or Black Forest (from Rothaus) and gin such as the Monkey 47 (to name just a few).
  
• Wine is made in the area – especially in the Rhein valley around Freiburg.
  

Other bits
There are endless little museums.

• Cuckoo clocks (Kuckucksuhr). That other Black Forest thing. They might not have originated in the Black Forest, but they became very popular there. There is a museum, and Triberg and Schonach both claim to have the world's largest cuckoo clock, among other clock based touristy-things scattered around. You will never be short of the chance to buy one.
  
• Glassmaking is an old tradition and there are workshops and show-rooms all over the area. There should also be a glass making themed hike in the south somewhere.
  
• For a rather unique spot read this article and then visit the Engländerdenkmal.
  

Articles and other resources

• https://www.independent.co.uk/travel/europe/the-complete-guide-to-the-black-forest-5353552.html

Reading/culture

• Three Men on the Bummel - Jerome K. Jerome. The sequel as such to the classic Three men on a boat.
  
• If you speak German then looking for “SWR schwarzwald” on Youtube will find you lots of Black Forest related shows on history, culture, and travel in the area.
  
• There is a long running and apparently popular German TV series set in the area - Die Schwarzwaldklinik.
  
• Likewise if you can read German then you can read some local Krimis by the publisher Eamon.
  

Other points

• For similar areas the Swiss Jura mountains are very close. Likewise the Emmental (especially around Napf) and Appenzell. The latter have the advantage that in addition to deeply folded wooded valleys, the landscape then rises up to the Alps.
  
• There have been a few suspected wolf sightings but nothing to worry you – motorbikes present a far bigger danger.
  
• A far realer danger than wolfs is hunters during the autumn – it is best not to go off of the paths then. You will see their high perches all over the Black Forest and Germany.
  
• I don’t care how much I have been inconsistent with the ordering of English (German) and German (English).