The cast: (Names changed for anonymity)
Me - your storyteller of the moment.
Chad - Hiring CTO.
Richard - CEO, brother of Chad.
Big Bro - Engineer coworker
Eddie - IT and Desktop support guy.
This takes place near the very beginning of my software engineering career, back in '05 or '06. I'd just been let go from my previous place of employment due to be being compliant with directives I'd been given (although not maliciously, so that story wouldn't be appropriate here, sadly), and thus working myself out of a job. I was a young college dropout from a technical college that hadn't been federally accredited yet, and thus all my student loans were from banks and loan companies instead of from Uncle Sam, and debts were due. I was also making payments on my very first car, even though it was a beater that the prior owners had already nearly driven into the ground (4 years old and nearly 200k miles on it when I bought it), and of course, rent and utitlities. The job I'd just been let go from already had me working paycheck to paycheck as they paid far under average rate, but I was still new professional so I couldn't be very choosy. I was living in Los Angeles county, so the cost of living was so bad, I was having to choose which bills were going to be late on a monthly basis. Specifically, I was living in a town called San Pedro, a small town tucked fairly out of the way.
After blasting my resume to all the job boards, I get a call from a startup who seems interested in my resume and wants me to come in for a face-to-face interview (skipping the call-screen entirely). In my desperation, I agree. I'm given an address, which is all the way up in Woodland Hills. I check the internet... 55 minute drive so long as there's no traffic. With traffic it looks like the commute will be more like an hour and forty-five minutes... each way. I'm desperate though, and literally nobody else has reached out to me about my resume or responded to my applications, so I go to the interview. I arrive to an mostly empty office complex. Maybe 6 or 7 other cars in a parking lot capable of holding at least 50. I go into the building mentioned in the address, and call the phone number I was given to let them know I've arrived. Enter Chad. Chad comes to meet me, and seems excited that I've come! He escorts me through the building to an office. Mind you, as far as I can see, we're the only two humans in the building. He gives me the pitch for the company, tells me he built the software being sold, but it's not scalable, and needs someone who can rewrite it. After we go through the whole interview song and dance, he offers me the job on the spot. The pay is marginally higher than the last gig, so I figure gas would be covered for the commute. I agree, and we shake hands, as I'm going to be starting the next Monday.
Red flags start appearing from the very first minute I arrive on monday. First, I'm given a tour, which consists of the 14x14 foot office I'm going to be sharing with Chad, as well as another engineer who's going to be starting the following monday. I'm not a fan of having someone able to look over my shoulder, it makes me nervous. I ask why each engineer's desk has two computers. "Because the one you will be writing code on doesn't have internet access, for security purposes." (Note: this was pure paranoia. There was nothing about this software that required such tight security, we weren't doing any gov't contracts or anything of the sort.) Then, I'm escorted clear across the building, to meet with the CEO (Richard), the IT guy (Eddie), and the sales/support team. I'm told that half of the team is supporting the existing version of the application, 2 people are selling the existing version to new clients (or trying to), and one person is explicitly tasked with selling the new version. The one I haven't even started on yet. I'm still young and dumb at this point, but even I know this means the salesperson is probably giving out a date when the customer should expect their purchase to be filled. "It's a good thing you started when we did, we've been telling customers it'll be ready in June." Did I mention all this was happening in February? Apparently I've agreed to rewrite, test, and package an entire application I've never seen before in approximately four months. So, tour being done, I sit down and get to work. After jumping through a bunch of hoops of getting the software I prefer downloaded onto the actual work machine, as well as the code, I set about reviewing code so horrific I've not seen its like since, and there isn't a single comment in the entire thing. Before I can ask a single question of the CTO however, he tells me he's headed to downtown LA to scalp his tickets to the Lakers game, and that he'll see me tomorrow. So... now I'm alone in the office with this abomination, a machine that's been hamstrung to heck and back, and the only thing I've got to console me is the fact that at least I'm employed again.
Fast-forward a week, I've documented the bulk of the code (because there wasn't any), and the boss and I do not get along. He's mad because I've not written any substantial code, and I'm frustrated because I'm trying to understand a lot of what specific code is trying to do and he's routinely leaving around noon to go sell his tickets for Laker's games, or just not in the office because he's chatting with someone else. When he is in the office, I show him my documentation, and try to get him to verify it or describe the purpose of code where all I can say is "Wat?" By the end of the week, I've covered about 30% of the project in a wiki-like document, and I've taken to leaving after sunset so I can a) get more done, b) have a shorter commute, and c) drive when my car isn't an oven (the ac didn't work). I've barely managed to convince the CTO that what I'm doing is necessary so the engineer starting the next monday doesn't have to do anywhere near the same crap I've got, which would make us a more efficient team.
Monday arrives, and in comes Big Bro. I call him this because he was a much more experienced engineer than I was. We spend the first day with him getting set up, then us reviewing what I've documented. He manages to answer some questions the CTO never did, just because he is that much better, and I start to feel more confident. Over the next weeks, Big Bro took me under his wing as an engineer teaching me best practices, standards, and where my plans were good and where they could be better. If it hadn't been for him, I'd have gone insane! I end up joining him outside for smoke breaks even though I don't smoke, just so I can get a breath of non-office air. He and I discuss the project, and we also make friends with Eddie, who makes us laugh by telling us horror stories about the CTO and CEO (apparently he was a school *friend* of theirs and basically worked with them because they paid him to do something he felt was super easy).
April rolls around. I've got a special occasion I need the day off for, which happens to be a Wednesday that year. I'd advised him when I first started and he'd been cool with it. I remind him on April 2nd (since I had an irrational fear of policy decisions being made on April Fool's Day), and he loses it. He goes off on a rant, and straight up informs me that he regrets hiring me, claiming I didn't have the skills I told him I did, and wasn't worth what I was being paid. We're definitely not half-way done (more like one third), and it's already been decided that June is a lost cause and that we're shooting for August now. That habit I started before, of leaving after the sun went down? Yeah, that never stopped. I was arriving at 9am every day, and leaving around 10pm every night, trying my best. Big bro was the same, and Eddie would stay late with us just because we liked hanging out together. So, it should be understandable that I was very close to losing it right back at him. In a strained, yet diplomatic voice, I told him that if he put in the same amount of work to help us as we put in to rewrite *his* code, we'd probably be a lot closer to done than we were, especially given the twelve hour days. He was not a fan of that, and switched to straight up yelling, blaming us for the lost sales and refunds due to the delays, and that the only way he'd get off our backs was by getting the project done. This entire time Big Bro is just sitting there, and says nothing to back me up. Chad then left the office for a bit, and I just declared I was taking my lunch and would be back in an hour. I felt frustrated by Chad and betrayed by Big Bro, who I felt (rightly or not) should have had my back since we were in the same boat.
When we were both back in the office, he apologized for yelling and told me that since he agreed when I was hired I could have my day off. Cool. I apologized too, although not for anything specific. I just didn't want to talk to him anymore and figured that was the fastest way to end the conversation.
Fast forward to June, and the opportunity for Malicious Compliance. Over the last two months, Chad has been getting worse and worse. He's yelling nearly every day (and still leaving early too). Big Bro and Eddie are also feeling the pain, nobody is safe from his ego. The smoke breaks and afternoon/evening portion of our day are when we're most productive, as nobody can focus until Chad leaves. The first monday in June rolls around and Chad invites me to go on a walk outside for a 1-on-1 meeting. I figured I'm being fired (at this point we've had to refactor the rewrite almost entirely due to missing a critical chunk of functionality, and we're still only 60% done. August release is looking less and less sure). Chad informs me that he's hired a 3rd engineer, but in order to stay in the budget to pay him, he's cutting my salary in half. I stop on the spot and just give him a blank look.
"Are you serious?" I ask. "I'm barely able to pay for my bills and the gas required to commute here as it is. If you cut my salary at all, I won't be able to afford to live." At this point the idea of cutting my productivity to help ramp up a new engineer so he can help us meet the deadline doesn't even occur to me, although in hindsight that would have also been a pretty major issue.
Chad brushes me off. "That's not my problem. The fact that you missed one deadline and look like you're gonna miss another is. If you've got a problem with that, you're more than welcome to go find another job. The new guy starts in two weeks." And with that he walks inside. I'd just been told that I had two weeks left of job at my current salary. Cool. So that day I do something I hadn't done since I first started. I left while the sun was still up. (Specifically, I left at 5pm). I drive my oven-car (no working Air Conditioning in a car that had been left in the sun all day in Woodland Hills had me feeling like a baked potato) through traffic (hour and a half-commute home through LA heat), and updated my resume before reactivating my accounts on all the job sites. I'm contacted the next day by a potential new employer, and I get an interview scheduled. I decide to tell Big Bro about the new opportunity, and he hits me with news that lets me know just how small a world we live in.
Me: "Hey, Big Bro, just fyi I've started looking for a new job. I've already got an interview lined up."
Big Bro: "Really? Where?"
Me: "Over at "
Big Bro: "Wow! That's where I worked before I came here! That place is pretty awesome, and I left there on pretty good terms. I know the CTO there, go ahead and use me as a reference!"
Me, skeptical: "Really? Okay...."
Turns out Big Bro was true to his word, and the CTO and I even talked about Big Bro during the interview. Apparently they'd already talked about me, and Big Bro had been the ultimate hype man, confirming everything I said about why I was looking for a new job and everything. All goes well, and I'm electronically signing an offer-letter that Friday afternoon (Chad had already left for the day, so there was nobody to look over my shoulder as I used the work computer that *had* internet access to get this done). At the new Job, the commute is cut by more than half, and comes with a pretty significant raise. I tell Big Bro and Eddie on the last smoke break (I still don't smoke) that I'm done, and I've found something new. Oddly enough, they both smile and just wish me luck. "No hard feelings, hope we stay in touch!" Odd, but I'd stopped really caring about anything related to that job, so I paid it no mind. I went back inside, packed up my stuff into my backpack, and walked to the CEO's office.
Me: "Hey Richard, got a minute?"
Richard: "Hey OP, what's up?"
Me: "Just wanted to let you know I found a new job, so I'm moving on."
Richard: "Really, why? We need you!"
Me: "You guys decided it was cool to cut my salary to a point where I couldn't afford to live. Chad said if I didn't like it, I should look for something new, so I did."
Richard, looking defeated: "Well, when's your last day?"
Me: "Today."
Richard, now pissed: "We need you here to train the new guy who starts soon!"
Me: "Hey, I had to train myself and to an extent, Big Bro when he first started. The new guy should be able to as well."
And with that, I left for greener pastures.
The unexpectedly *huge* fallout:
Four months later, Big Bro texts me to ask me how things are going. I tell him things are great, and we schedule a lunchtime call because apparently things have gone sideways in a huge way.
Part 1) Apparently Chad came in on Monday almost violently angry, and demands Eddie re-image my work machine first thing in the morning, which erases everything I'd left on there.Big Bro comes in an hour later, and he and Chad discuss the new timeline for the project. Somewhere in there apparently Big Bro asks Chad to log into the admin account on my old work machine so he can pull the documents I'd accumulated about the planned architecture, the existing code, meeting notes, etc. Chad answers by apparently punching a hole in the wall, and leaving for the day (probably to go to the hospital to deal with his hand), at 10:30 in the morning. Big Bro then spends the rest of that week ostensibly working on recreating the documentation from scratch.
Part 2) When I asked how the new guy handled the new documentation, Big Bro laughed and told me there never was any documentation. Apparently he and Eddie had become really good friends in the months we worked there, to the point where they'd become roommates about a month before I left. More than that though, they'd decided to start a freelance/consulting business together and only had to decide on when to make that their full time jobs. Neither of them liked Chad much, and wanted to make their departure hurt as much as possible. So, they decide to make Big Bro's last day the day before the new guy starts, and Eddie would quit shortly afterward, sticking around just long enough to watch the bomb go off. Did I mention Big Bro never told Chad he was quitting? Yeah. He just didn't show up that Monday. He had, however, emailed that 'documentation' he'd spent a week writing to Chad. Turns out he wasn't documenting the code at all. He'd spent a week writing a letter explaining in excruciating detail why Chad was such a bad boss, and he'd emailed it to everyone in the company. I asked if he still had it so I could read it, and he sent it to me after the call.
Thankfully, like the big helper he was, Eddie had ensured that the new guy's email was set up and in the proper groups before the email was sent, so the guys first email in the company was a novella about the kind of person he' agreed to work for. Apparently Chad thought it was appropriate to take his frustration out on the new guy, who'd already read a significant portion of the email before Chad shoved him away from his desk and deleted it. Apparently new guy promptly decided (and rightfully so) that agreeing to work for Chad had been a mistake, packed up his things, and quit on the spot.
Part 3) With the new guy quitting, the August deadline was now little more than a dream within a dream, which according to Eddie doesn't stop Chad and Richard from trying to find that miracle rock star engineer who can save them from their own situation (which, given what they were offering as pay, didn't exist). So time advances in its unstoppable way, August arrives, and customers find that they've paid for something that hasn't been delivered yet, and pretty much unanimously demand refunds, with a few customers bringing legal action against them. With the amount they have to refund, and the money they now need for legal fees (because of they way they'd incorporated, they were personally liable), they could no longer afford to pay anyone, and were forced to shutter the business.
_________________
Final Note: For my fellow software engineers out there who were wondering just how bad this application was, this "program" was a single php file with over 40k lines of code, running inside a `while` loop. Any and all logic consisted of if/else trees, which then led to either more if/else trees or more loops. No function calls, no external libraries included, just.... spaghetti of the worst kind. Given the nature of the application, most critical logic had to be implemented in no less than seven places, depending on where the execution was when the logic was needed. At worst the tab-depth was something like nineteen or twenty tabs deep.
_________________
Post upvote-splosion edit:
I wanted to write out my thanks, and to answer some of your questions, but it turned into another long wall of text. So, instead I put it in a comment, which I'll link to here:
https://www.reddit.com/MaliciousCompliance/comments/lb8evx/cut_my_salary_in_half_kiss_your_business_goodbye/glvy3kg/

Gfriends Sowon apparently posted then deleted a picture of herself hugging a Nazi mannequin.

Episode 6: Script Leak

My original post: https://www.reddit.com/MarvelStudiosSpoilers/comments/lhj5xy/wandavision_episode_6_possible_script_leak/
Here's the archive link
http://web.archive.org/web/20210211121433/https://pastebin.com/TYzjEXVA There you go!
The OP also shared a screenshot with me as proof he is legit. It has been verified by the mods!
WANDA: {\i1}Previously on {\i}WandaVision...
You made no effort\Nto conceal your abilities.
-Well, I'm tired of hiding, Vis.\N-What aren't you telling me?
You have to stop her.
Just make her stop!
You can't control me the way you do them.
Can't I?
DARCY: {\i1}She has the world's{\i}\N{\i1}only vibranium synthezoid{\i}
{\i1}playing Father-Knows-Best-In-Suburbia.{\i}
What happens when he learns the truth?
You've taken an entire town hostage.
Well, I'm not the one\Nwith the guns, Director.
-(GUNS COCKING)\N-Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
I had a brother.
His name was Pietro.
GERALDINE: {\i1}He was killed by Ultron.{\i}
Long lost bro get to squeeze\Nhis stinkin' sister to death or what?
She recast Pietro?
(OPENING THEME SONG PLAYING)
{\i1}Wanda{\i}\N{\i1}Wanda Vision{\i}
{\i1}Don't try to fight the chaos{\i}\N{\i1}Don't question what you've done{\i}
{\i1}The game can try to play us{\i}
{\i1}Don't let it stop the fun{\i}
{\i1}Some days it's all confusion{\i}
{\i1}Easy come and easy go{\i}\N{\i1}But if it's all illusion{\i}
{\i1}Sit back, enjoy the show{\i}
{\i1}Let's keep it going{\i}
{\i1}Let's keep it going{\i}
{\i1}Through each distorted day{\i}
{\i1}Let's keep it going{\i}
{\i1}Though there may be no way of knowing{\i}
{\i1}Who's coming by to play{\i}
Halloween's a magical holiday.
All about family, friends, and the thrill\Nof getting to be someone else for a day.
Wrong! Halloween's about candy.
And scaring people, but mostly candy.
Where's your costume, Tommy?
This is my costume. I'm the cool twin.
-What does that make me?\N-Hmm...
(GAME MUSIC PLAYING)
-Whoa!\N-(LAUGHS)
A dorksaurus rex.
-Not a real dinosaur.\N-(CHUCKLES)
(SNORING)
Man
He even snores cool.
-I'm gonna go wake him up.\N-(WHISPERS) Don't!
You scared?
He's our uncle. Why would I be scared?
'Cause it's four o'clock in the afternoon.
You're secretly afraid he's a vampire.
-No, I'm not.\N-Yes, you are.
No, I'm not.
-Blood is thicker than water! I show you!\N-(BILLY AND TOMMY SCREAMING)
-(ROARING)\N-(SCREAMING)
Oh! Somebody better be\Nbleeding, broken, or on fire.
-Whoa, Mom. Are you old Red Riding Hood?\N-(PIETRO SNORTS)
I'm a Sokovian fortune teller.
Wow. That is so...
-(CHUCKLING) Rad.\N-...lame.
"Lame."
Worse than the costumes mom\Nmade us the year we got typhus.
(BOTH SPEAKING SOKOVIAN)
(EXCLAIMS)
(SPEAKS SOKOVIAN)
(IN ENGLISH) That's not\Nexactly how I remember it.
You probably\Nsuppressed a lot of the trauma.
Mom has been weird\Nsince Uncle Pietro got here.
I think it's because\Nshe hasn't seen him in a long time.
And he's what you call, "a man child."
-(SIGHS WEARILY)\N-Whoa! Sweet costume bro-ham-in-law.
Let me guess. Uh, traffic light.
-(SIGHS)\N-Half-shucked corn.
A booger!
-Yes.\N-Yes!
Well, thank you for humoring me\Nand wearing this ridiculous get-up, honey.
Well, there were no other\Nclothes in my closet, so...
-You are incorrigible, darling.\N-(CHUCKLES)
I know you have a secret\Nthing for Mexican wrestlers.
{\i1}Mi gusta mucho.{\i}
{\i1}Chili con carne.{\i}
Ooh! (GIGGLES)
What do you say, boys?
Who's ready for that first hit\Nof high fructose corn syrup?
-Yes! Headlock!\N-Get out of here, get out of here.
Never told me much about your brother.
I had no idea he'd be so...
Go!
-Great with kids.\N-(ALL BURPING)
Yeah. He's just full of surprises.
Well, you have fun tonight, darling.
What? What do you mean?\NYou're all dressed and ready to go.
I'm undercover.
Halloween is a bacchanal\Nfor adolescent trouble-makers
and the neighborhood watch\Nis the only thing that stands
between the trees and the toilet paper.
-No, that's not what you're supposed to--\N-What?
Well... (SIGHS)
You didn't tell me you had plans.
Well, I am telling you now.
Mom and Dad have been,\Nnot fighting, just, like, different.
It's their first Halloween.\NYou have to be there.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. What's the big dealio?
Big guy has a conflict,\Ntwins need a father figure for the night.
Don't sweat it, sis.\NI got the old XY chromosome.
-(CHUCKLES)\N-Uncle P to the rescue, huh?
There you go. Problem solved.
You have a spooky time tonight, kids.
-Goodnight, Dad!\N-Bye, Dad.
(VIDEO GAME BEEPING)
Wanda?
Be good.
I smell crime.
(SCREAMS)
Don't do that!
Where do you keep your water balloons?
What? We don't have water balloons.
Where are we gonna\Nput all this shaving cream?
Oh.
-It was Billy's idea.\N-I'm Tommy.
And don't you forget it!
You don't even have a costume.
(SCOFFS)
Okay, but... (SIGHS) Just remember\Nthat this is a respectable family.
If I see any funny business,
I am going to magic\Nyou into a pickled herring.
(INDISTINCT SHOUTING)
(ELECTRICAL BUZZING)
I wanna see a full work-up\Ninside the hour.
-SOLDIER: Yes, sir.\N-Hayward.
Hayward!
You cut us off at the knees,\Nsending in that missile.
Now we know who we're dealing with.
Hey, there he is.
The guy who almost\Ngot murdered by his own murder squad.
You work for me?
-I actually don't know.\N-She's with me.
I see. And which one\Nof you is the sassy best friend?
There is no time for you\Nto diminish your colleagues
when you're about\Nto start a war you can't win.
Maximoff was never\Ngonna negotiate with us.
We take her out,\Nthis whole nightmare ends.
MONICA: We don't know that.
We actually have no idea
what will happen in there\Nor out here if Wanda dies.
So, what? We just surrender to that?
Not happening.
We can't outgun her.
And clearly antagonizing her\Nis only making things worse.
If Wanda is the problem,\Nshe has to be our solution.
Captain Rambeau, you have become\Nan impediment to this mission.
(SIGHS)
Constantly advocating\Non behalf of super-powered individuals.
Yes, I know\Nyour history with Carol Danvers.
You know, you people who left,
still have the luxury of optimism.
You have no idea what it was like.
What it took to keep the lights on.
Don't use the last five years\Nas an excuse to be a coward.
Maybe it's a good thing\Nyou weren't here when your mother died.
Because clearly\Nyou don't have the stomach for this job.
Get her off my base. Now. All of 'em.
SOLDIER: All right. Come on. Let's go.
Hayward is way overstepping\Nhis provisional authority.
He was looking\Nfor a reason to sideline us.
He's up to something.
SOLDIER: Let's go. Everybody in!
(GRUNTS)
-(MONICA YELLS)\N-(SOLDIER GROANS)
(PANTING)
Why didn't anyone tell me the plan?
-You okay?\N-Yeah. Let's move.
This is it. Game time.
It's not a competition, Tommy.
-It is if you're a winner.\N-Tommy.
(SHOUTS) Unleash hell, demon spawn.
(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)
Do you remember when we were\Nat the orphanage after mom and dad died?
What was the name of that kid\Nwho was always trying to steal your boots?
You know, he was the one...\NHe had the... He had the skin thing.
You're testing me.
No, I'm not.
Hey, it's cool. I know I look different.
Why do you... look different?
You tell me.\NI mean, if I found Shangri-La,
I wouldn't wanna be\Nreminded of the past either.
(LAUGHS) Next house, Mom.
Junior entrepreneur, over here.
How about you let Uncle P help you\Nmaximize your candy acquisition, huh?
(CHUCKLING) Yeah. Kick-ass!
"I feel the need..."
-"For speed."\N-(BOTH YELP)
Kick-ass.
(INDISTINCT CHATTER OVER RADIO)
-Oh, hey, Herb.\N-Oh, hey!
How's patrol going?
Eh, quiet, so far. Hold up, will you?
-(MAN TALKING OVER RADIO)\N-Say again.
-(MAN TALKING OVER RADIO)\N-All the candy has disappeared?
What? Who took my candy?
And now all\Nthe jack-o'-lanterns have been smashed.
(PIETRO, BILLY AND TOMMY CHEERING)
And now everyone's\Ncovered in silly string?
PIETRO: Whoo!
Sorry, Wanda, I gotta bounce.
Well, maybe Vision\Ncan help you out. (CHUCKLES)
Vision? Oh, he's not on duty.
Oh! I... I thought he...
Is there something\NI can do for you, Wanda?
Do you want something changed?
(CHUCKLING) No. It's fine. Never mind.
(CHUCKLES) All right. Peace.
WOMAN: Hey! How's it going?
Happy Halloween.
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
I'm so hungry, I'd eat anything.
Hungry? I remember hungry.
I used to be like that all the time.
What did you do?
Snacked on Yo-Magic, bro.
Now I have time to hang fin.
Can I have some?
Here you go, little dude.
(GRUNTS)
(GASPS WEAKLY)
SHARK: {\i1}Yo-Magic! The snack for survivors!{\i}
This is so lame. I can't believe\Nyou're making them return all the candy.
I can't believe\Nwhat a bad influence you are.
Who beefed in your borscht?
I'm just trying to do my part, okay?
Come to town unexpectedly,\Ncreate tension with the brother-in-law,
stir up trouble with the rugrats,\Nand ultimately give you grief.
I mean, that's what you wanted, isn't it?
What happened to your accent?
What happened to yours?
Details are fuzzy, man.
I got shot like a chump\Non the street for no reason at all
and the next thing I know,\NI heard you calling me.
I knew you needed me.
Uncle P, guess what?\N(CHUCKLES)
They've got full-size candy bars\Na few blocks up. Mom, can we go?
Next stop, Cavity Town.
Right on, little dude.
Chip off the old Maximoff block.
You've got super speed!
-I do?\N-Yeah!
WANDA: It's okay, baby.
You can take it slow, and you can--
(CHEERING)
If you're gonna break the sound barrier,\Nplease just take your brother with you.
-Really?\N-Really?
Really. Yeah.\NAnd please just remember to--
BOTH: Don't go past Ellis Avenue.
We know, Mom. We know.
Hey! Be careful.
PIETRO: {\i1}I'm just trying{\i}\N{\i1}to do my part, okay?{\i}
{\i1}Come to town unexpectedly,{\i}\N{\i1}create tension with the brother-in-law...{\i}
MONICA: Who is that?
Wanda's brother came to town.
He brought the wrong face.
AGENT WOO: Over here.
{\i1}-What happened to your accent?{\i}\N{\i1}-What happened to yours?{\i}
(DARCY SIGHS)
MONICA: We shouldn't\Nhang out here too long.
DARCY: Uh, give me two seconds.
I just need to hack into\Nthe secure network on the base.
Donezo.
Now, should be able to access\Nthe data on Hayward's devices.
Oh. That's interesting.
Guys, Hayward figured out\Na way to look through the boundary.
And he didn't share it with the group.
AGENT WOO: Is this Wanda, right here?
No. The program is tracking\Nthe decay signature of vibranium.
Vision. Wait.
Why is Hayward tracking Vision?
I don't know.\NThis is all I can access so far.
These other dots,\Nthose are Westview residents?
The ones in Vision's\Nimmediate vicinity, yeah.
Hayward must have\Nan accurate headcount by now.
MONICA: Hmm.
AGENT WOO: And some sense\Nof their well-being.
Huh... These people,\Nnear the edge of town...
They're barely moving.
Are they alive?
(MONITOR BEEPING)
(DOG BARKING IN DISTANCE)
VISION: Say, excuse me.
Ma'am?
Are those your children?
Are you waiting for something?
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
WOMAN: Happy Halloween!
Trick-or-treat?
Agnes?
What are you doing here?
Town Square Scare. Where is it?
Oh, well, the Town Square.\N(CHUCKLES SOFTLY) I expect.
(CHUCKLES EMOTIONLESSLY)
Took a wrong turn.
Got lost.
In the town you grew up in?
(GASPS)
-It's all right.\N-(GASPS)
(SOFTLY) You...
You're one of the Avengers.
You're Vision.
Are you here to help us?
I am Vision. I do want to help.
But what's an Avenger?
What?
Why don't you know?
(BREATH TREMBLING)
Am I dead?
No, no. Why would you think that?
Because you are.
'Cause I'm what?
Dead.
Dead.
(SHOUTS) Dead!
Dead!
Agnes, it is my intention\Nto reach those outside of Westview
and make sense of our situation.
(SOFTLY) How?
No one leaves.
Wanda won't even let us think about it.
(CHUCKLING)
All is lost.
-Agnes...\N-(LAUGHING MANIACALLY)
Agnes, please calm down.
-Agnes! Please...\N-(CONTINUES LAUGHING MANIACALLY)
(LAUGHING STOPS)
I will fix this, Agnes. I promise.
Okey-dokey, neighbor.
(TIRES SCREECH)
Happy Halloweenie!
{\an8}(CELL PHONE RINGING)
That's it.
My way back into the Hex\Nwill be here in an hour.
Just gotta meet my guy over the ridge.
Let's roll.
You can't do that.
Sure we can.\NI'm a whiz at hot-wiring cars.
You can't go back into the Hex.
Worst case scenario,
Wanda removes my free will\Nand puts me in ultra-low-rise jeans.
Hayward has your blood work.
You've gone through\Nthe boundary twice already, Monica.
The energy inside has re-written\Nyour cells on a molecular level twice.
It's changing you.
Seen enough lab results\Nto last me a lifetime.
Cells metastasizing, cells in remission.
I know what Wanda's feeling\Nand I won't stop until I help her.
Okay.
Okay.
But I'm staying here.
-Wait, you can't stay here. It's not safe.\N-What? Darcy, what are you talkin' about?
I haven't made it through\NHayward's last firewall.
There's something big here.\NSomething that can help us. I know it.
Fine. Fine.
I'll drop you the location,\Nyou meet us out there as soon as you can.
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
-PIETRO: Holy shmacaroni.\N-(WANDA CHUCKLES)
PIETRO: Wow!\NWANDA: Isn't it great?
PIETRO: Damn it, if Westview, New Jersey\Nisn't charming as hell.
Now, I know that you think\Nthat I've have gone full soccer mom.
-Yeah.\N-But it really is nice, right?
Yeah. (SIGHS HEAVILY)
I think Mom and Dad would've loved it.
Yeah. I think they would have.
(CHILDREN LAUGHING)
Where were you hiding\Nthese kids up till now?
-What?\N-I assume
they were sleeping\Npeacefully in their beds.
No need to traumatize beyond the\Noccasional holiday episode cameo, right?
-No...\N-You were always the empathetic twin.
-I don't... I didn't...\N-Don't get me wrong.
You've handled the ethical considerations\Nof this scenario as best you could.
Families and couples stay together,
most personalities aren't far off from\Nwhat's underneath, people got better jobs,
better haircuts, for sure.
-You don't think it's wrong?\N-What, are you kidding?
I'm impressed! Seriously.
It's a big leap\Nfrom giving people nightmares
and shooting red wiggly-woos\Nout of your hands.
How'd you even do all this?
Hey, I'm not some stranger\Nand I'm not your husband.
You can talk to me.
I don't know how I did it.
I...
I only remember\Nfeeling completely alone.
Empty. I just...
Endless nothingness.
(SNIFFLES)
(GASPS)
Are you okay?
I'm fine.
Uh-huh.
(ELECTRONIC BEEPING)
Hayward, you sneaky bastard.
Move out.
Vision. What's he doing?
(VISION GRUNTING)
He really does want out, doesn't he?
(GRUNTING)
(GRUNTS)
Oh, no.
Why aren't you helping him?
-Stop! He's coming apart!\N-Hey!
(GRUNTING LOUDLY)
HAYWARD: {\i1}He really does want out{\i}\N{\i1}doesn't he?{\i}
-Whoa, Billy!\N-Shh!
Are you okay?
(VISION SCREAMING)
Mom!
Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom!
What? What is it, Billy?
(PANTING) I hear Dad in my head.\NHe's in trouble.
(GRUNTING)
DARCY: Let me go! What are you doing?
Help him! Let me go!
Help!
(SHUDDERS)
The people need help.\N(GRUNTS)
(GASPS)
(WHIMPERS)
(GROANS)
I don't understand.\NWhat's happening to me?
Where is he? Where's your dad?
Hey, don't sweat it, sis. It's not like\Nyour dead husband can die twice.
-(GRUNTS)\N-(YELPS)
Billy, I need you to focus.
(SHUDDERING)
I can't tell. I see these...
-(GRUNTS)\N-...soldiers.
(SCREAMING)
They think he's dying.
(CHATTER STOPS)
Jimmy. Jimmy, do you see that?\NSomething's happening!
It's moving! Go, go!
(RUMBLING)
Go, go, go! Move, move, move!
Are you serious right now?
SOLDIER: Hey! Stop!
(GRUNTS) Oh, fudge.
(SOLDIERS SCREAMING)
(CLOWNS CHUCKLING)
(ALL SCREAMING)
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
Push it! Faster!
(ENGINE ROARING)
(TIRES SCREECHING)
Come in. Anyone read me?
Anyone hear my voice?
Does anyone read me?
Anyone read me? Over.

that one time we tripped acid and played hide and seek with a crackhead

tl;dr at the bottom
so me n the homies live in the middle of got damn nowhere
we ain’t got neighbors, stores, paved roads, love, or affection
what we do have is cornfields, cows that moo back on occasion, and the most important
substances
homie hits my line he’s like yo
i’m like yo
he’s all like we gonna have a group trip in one of the local cities (local meaning 3 hours away)
i’m like ok bet
so we’ve got me, trees, dr corn, jellyboy, cowman, kelgen, and horsemeat (not their real names)
our favorite thing to do during the summer was get far away from the cornfields as possible as to prevent ourselves from literally going fuckin mad
so everyone but horsemeat (our DD) popped a tab and we were on our way
tab kicks in after about 45 minutes and by time we get to the city we’re completely off our ass
we park at one of the empty lots and we all grab our longboards
we’re zoomin down these hills, and skating on roads without potholes and random obstructions was an experience not many of us were used too, safe to say we’re havin a blast
we find this massive hill and we’re all standing on top of it looking down in awe deciding if this is really a good idea
it’s pretty dark out at this point and we can’t see where the end of the hill leads, and i’m all for doing crazy shit but none of us had helmets and i didn’t want this to become a nightmare
i look over to the group and just as i’m about to tell them to find another hill, cowman puts his board down
fuck
cowmans flying down this hill and we’re all watching in awe
cowman doesn’t know how to power slide
cowman can’t slow down
cowman is going too fast for his own good and next thing we hear is him yelling
FUCKFUCKFUCKFU-
and he slams into the curb at the end of the hill
oh, damn
we decide we’re not skating down the hill after him so we start making our way down on foot hoping little cowman isn’t dead
we get to the bottom of the hill and he’s still conscious, thankfully, he just claims his leg was in a lot of pain
all good, cowman is alive
we’re all sitting there acknowledging what just happened when we hear a voice from behind
took quite a fall there bud
who the fuck was that i thought and upon looking back i saw the man
tall, extremely skinny, ripped clothes, scabs all over, track marks, missing teeth and speech that slowed down and sped up
being in a small town, these kinds of drug users weren’t anything new to us, but seeing as though we didn’t have anything on us, there was nothing to be worried about
cowman was a little confused so i decided to speak up
what’s up
oh, not much, said mr crack, was watching you guys skeet around here and just came to see if your ol buddy was okay
yeah man he’s all good, appreciate that
and then we kinda stare at eachother awkwardly for a few seconds when he drops the line
you guys wanna hangout?
i mean, yeah fuck it why not
so now we’re walking around talkin to this guy about how he lost his job and fell into the slippery slope of addiction
seeing as though we’re all drug users we don’t hoist any judgement toward mr crack
it was then he stops in his tracks
we all abruptly stop as well, waiting to hear mr cracks next words of wisdom
you guys wanna play hide and go seek?
we all looked at eachother and then cowman started giggling, which was the spark to a wildfire of laughter amongst all of us
hell yeah dude let’s play
okay kiddos here’s the rules, no going past that building, he said pointing with his finger, and no going past that lake, pointing the other direction
fucking bet
we decide that since mr crack came up with the idea, he would choose the seeker
he chose himself
ok i guess
so we’re getting ready to go hide when he says stop
we all look in admiration toward our new crack jesus
it’s hide and seek tag, and if i tag you, you’re on my team, if one man prevails, he is not claimed as the victor unless he has been standing for more than 20 minutes
dope
now initially i was going to hide with jellyboy, but seeing as though he could just as easily become my enemy, i decide i’m a lone wolf
i set a timer on my phone for 20 minutes, let everyone else know i had the timer ready, and it was time to hide
my years of hide and seek as a young fetus boy are about to pay off as i pull off my signature trick
when he begins to count, i start running, fast running, as to give off the impression that i will be nearing the border of our little play area
nearing the border i was not
hooked a left behind this building and stopped running, this was perfect
i saw a ladder going to this little matinence balcony thing but it was too high to reach
mr crack jesus’ voice was piercing through the air as i heard
12
11
10
9
i was running out of time, i had to find a way up
scanning the area, i found myself looking at a dumpster
a dumpster with wheels
fucking jackpot, and right as i got this dumpster to the bottom of the ladder, the final words of mr crack ring in my ears
ready or not, im fuckin comin
oh but i am ready mr crack
and to finish my thought, i see dr corn run around the same building that i had found the dumpster, he’s desperate for a spot to hide
finding nothing, he turns back, still not seeing me, and right as he gets to the edge of the building, mr crack appears
i hold my breath
dr corn tries to pull a sneak move but it is to no avail, as he becomes the first member tagged
dr corn down
jellyboy, trees, cowman, kelgen, horsemeat and me are still in it for the W
seeing as though they hadn’t laid their eyes upon me, i make the decision to stay on this ladder
a few minutes go by and i can hear yelling, just barely in ear shot
got your ass now boy!
FUCK
it’s cowmans voice
cowman has been claimed
an instant later i see trees come across my building, he sees me
praying to god that he isn’t tagged, i look him back
he puts a finger up to his mouth as to say “don’t say a got damn word” and he’s running away
i need a new spot
i get down off the ladder and i see trees turn another corner, followed by him yelling
OH SHIT WAIT
trees has been claimed
trees, cowman, and dr corn are predators
jellyboy, horsemeat, kelgen and me are the prey
and i don’t intend to lose
i come across a main road, and going against my instinct of caution i decide to cross it
i step onto the main road and on the other side, i see dr corn
fuck
just as i’m about to turn running, i see kelgen run out on the same road, in between me and dr corn
perfect
using the moment for my escape, i dip into one of the alleys, wondering if kelgen was going to follow
follow he did not
kelgen was not fast enough, and now he is down
i decide to go down toward the lake and see if i can find any survivors
i see horsemeat
the only one of us who wasn’t tripping balls
behind him i see jellyboy come around a corner and start making his way toward horsemeat
the gangs all here, i think, but based on jellyboys face i realize what’s happening
he’s going after horsemeat
just as horsemeat turns around he is tagged, i use this as my escape
i’m running through alleys, trying to survive as long as possible
i hear yelling, footsteps, the occasional “go look that way” and it’s all to my advantage
i am silent as a mouse
i’ve ran through the left side of the main road, and they have been searching through the buildings on the right side
they would come left soon
it was time for me to cross the main road
i decide to count to 3 and make a break for it
3..
2..
1..
and i’m off
i get two steps into the main road and that’s when i hear his voice
THERE, LOOK
when i turn my head im met with a sight that is engraved into my memory
jellyboy and dr corn in the back, kelgen and trees infront of them, horsemeat and cowman next up, and in the front is crack jesus
they are in a pyramid formation, all pointing at me
they are running after me screaming war cries and for a moment i felt as though i was a cowboy on the american frontier, being chased down by indians that are beyond pissed off that i just stole their native land
i’m paralyzed in fear
i decide it’s time to come up with a plan, a plan which requires me to think, something i was not much good at
i realize i can kick in wizard mode
wizard mode is malfunctioning and my brain is still as dysfunctional as it was 4 seconds ago
fuck, they’re getting closer
just as i’m about to give up and accept my fate i realize something
im wearing my brooks running shoes
it was as though i was blessed by u/joeeposts the shoe salesman and just like that i was running faster than i’ve ever run before
the predators notice that i’m wearing brooks running shoes and now they realize their mistake
i will outrun them
they split up, some going to the buildings on the left side, some the right, and now the only person left on the main road was mr crack
he was still screaming war cries
now that i’ve been blessed by my brooks running shoes and the holy words of u/joeeposts the shoe salesman i decide i am not afraid of mr crack
i embrace his advances (in a cool way not sexually)
i run toward him as well, reciprocating his war cries
we get up to eachother and i put a foot forward on the left, mr crack tries matching my movements to catch me, just as i planned
in an instant i withdrawal my foot advancement and use the momentum to spin my body around mr cracks outreached hand, metaphorically destroying his ankles
mr crack falls to the ground
a small price to pay for salvation
dr corn and jellyboy were witness to this magic event and now they’re coming at me from either side
the power of the brooks running shoes is still coursing through every vein in my body and i decide to turn around and run back toward mr crack, who is still on the ground, probably wishing he was wearing brooks running shoes
i get to him and leap over his outstretched body, the minute i hit the ground i pivot my right foot and just like that i’m full sprinting down the alley
i see the ladder i was on previously, dumpster still conveniently under it
i get to the top of the ladder and just as i get to the matinence balcony i see horsemeat
i hold my breath
he looks left
he looks right
and then his eyes met mine, he was ready
“OVER HERE, HES ON THE BALCONY”
my time was nearing
before i knew it i was above all of them, they’re all looking up at me and for a moment i feel like i’m Glenn from the walking dead
RICK GRIMES PLEASE COME SAVE ME i yell aloud, which had them in a fit of laughter which bought me just enough time
mr crack was climbing the ladder rapidly and just as i was about to accept my fate
beep beep beep beep beep
the timer went off
the fucking timer, i had forgotten all about it
the looks on their faces were all the same
defeat
i had won
i was the victor
the story ends with all of us sitting around the lake, laughing, joking around, talking about life as our acid trips were coming to an end and mr crack ends things off with words that stuck with me for a long time
“kid, you’ve got two things in life. your health, and your peace of mind. eat healthy, excercise, live your life, and most importantly, never forget how to have fun.”
this one doesn’t end with a funny closer, just want to take the moment to tell you all to be good to one another. life is short, no reason to diminish someone’s peace of mind, live and let live.
tl:dr - took acid, friend had a skating accident, met a homeless crackhead, made friends with him, played the ultimate game of hide and seek tag, learned a valuable life lesson

GM Railroading is so strong it starts even before the campaign starts

TL;DR: GM tries to modify every aspect of a game he hasn't even read to have control of everything and railroad to the max.
I had a few brief horror moments in my experience with RPGs, but this is the most extensive, so it will be a very long story.

We had a group in which we rotate games and GM role every campaign, so I played other 2 campaignes with this group and they were really good.
This story begins way before the campaign starts. The group is formed by Me, The Hippy (a really nice guy that just avoid every personal conflict), Mr. Precise (a precise and ordered guy, very gentle, avoid fight but not conflicts) and the GM.

The GM wants to start a fantasy gritty campaign in the viking era (Journey to Ragnarok module for D&D 5e), really cool so far. He played D&D 3.5 before but never read nor play 5e, still suggested to play it as a GM.
Me and Mr Precise (we know 5e) start pointing out some problems that may occur while using D&D to play the gritty campaign he is describing. We suggest he read the manual and rule out some spells or abilities that may automatically solve the problems he wants to put in the story.
For example you can create food for all the party with the goodberries spell. If he wants to play around hunger, he should modify or ban the spell. GM responds that you can take the spell, but if you do you will be incarcerated and forced to cast it every day to make food for the people.
He asks what characters we wants to play (I want to play a Druid, Mr Precise a Wizard) and after we create them he starts to ban some things:

the only avaiable race is human
you can only use the class specialty in the Journey to Ragnarok module
you can't use fire as a wizard or other spells he thinks aren't right (he literally says this, so we don't know what he means by "right")
wizards can't have a book, writing doesn't exist in this world

Ok... so Me and Mr Precise stop modifying our characters at every new "rule" and ask him to made a full list of what is banned or modified, he responds that it will be too long to read everything and make a list (Days has passed, he haven't read the manual yet).
Mr Precise still wants to play a Wizard and the GM suggests he can sew runes in his vest instead of having the book...ok cool! But he will have to find the rune corresponding to the spells to learn them AND roll a sew skill check (not arcana) if he fails he can't learn spells until next level.
They start to discuss this thing (Mr Precise thinks is unfair), not really into a fight and after a while the GM says he can't be the GM because we are too hostile to him.
We just state the italian saying: clear agreements lead to long friendship. But at least problem is avoided, right? ...Ahah, not so fast!
GM changes his mind and brings new home rules to the table, like: using swords wears out the edge.
I ask if hammers have the same problem. GM respond that they don't have it, because hammers didn't exist in the viking era. He corrects himself right after, saying that they exists, but only smiths have them and are 10 times as expensive as a sword. (What?)
After some discussion GM cancel house rules and just says that he can use whetever he wants in the campaign because he is the GM ... we don't agree, of course the GM can create his world and modify rules BEFORE the campaign start, but especially after all he is saying, we really like to use clear rules.
At this point The Hippy (that has partecipated very little in the discussion) make a long message that says that changing all the rules in this way is too much and repeat to the GM that he should at least read the manual for start. Mr Precise adds that changing random things really change the balance in the game.
GM ignore the Hippy and tells that there is no balance since the GM has all the power, and that he is changing everything to make the world more realistic and similar to the viking age. (We explain what we mean by balance but he doesn't listen).
At this point he was also mildly insulting us (he said we were polemical, always negative and talking nonsense). So I make a long post in which i say he is ridicolous for not listening to all his 3 players. He if he wants to GM properly this is the first thing to do, other players agree in this.
He spit out some other insults and state that he will not be our GM...nice!
But wait, there's more!
Mr Precise and the GM keep fighting about changing the rules to accomodate the setting. (basically GM would change everything, while Mr Precise suggest to change little things or simply not use an high fantasy game to play in a gritty world).
(I'm skipping a lot of other nonsense, but this is getting too long).
At this point the GM still hasn't read the manual. So i suggest to change the game, or if he doesn't want, to leave us the task to remove all things that can break the gritty game he is describing or as a deseprate move remove all magic... it's really bad to remove magic from D&D, but this is what he was describing for days... a gritty world where people fear hunger and cold, how can we fear hunger and nonmagical cold if we can sput out food and fire out of nothing or create magical space with confortable temperature?
So GM finally decided: we will play Symbaroum (a D&D like game, with low magic) but whith a viking setting.
Ok, finally he changed his mind...
I read the Symbaroum manual, i don't like it very much, but whetever. GM asks what characters we want to do (here we go again! :D)
Mr Precise asks if he can make a necromancer (wich is a school of magic exactly like the others in the game). GM says he can do it, but if he do it he is an NPC (why???) We explain that a necromancer is basically a wizard and doesn't have to be evil, the GM respond his spell sucks because they kills friends.
In reality, there is one necromancer spell that target all living creature nearby... but he can just use it in the right moment or simply take other spells.
GM continues to make home rules and changes things up as for D&D, but you get the idea, i don't want to repat too much, so i skip to the best parts.
After i make my character (some sort of paladin) he tries to modify my abilities distribution, my powers choice, my background (not because it didn't fit the setting, he just wants to make my character one eyed, maybe to resamble Odin I don't know), even the picture i want to use and my F***ing character name (Gorm) because it wasn't viking enough... i literally searched on google "viching names" as HE suggested and chose from them.
I discuss some things with him, trying to accomodate what he is looking for, but I just refuse to agree to the nonsense.
At this point you may ask, why do you still wants to play with a GM like that? Well, this is thrilling me, how will this end?

So the campaign starts...
When we roleplay between characters is really exceptional, but even the parts with the GM are pretty nice, the problem is that in combat he continuosly give us malus for our actions and try to defeat us by "cheating" (using narration he said) but never killed us. The worst part was that every event occur in an awful railroad. Whethever you do, the most predictable thing always happens.
We played the first sessions using a draw program with the GM sharing his desktop (we switched to roll20 later) and at some point he alt-tabbed and show us some notes by mistake: It was a graph formed by 9 or 10 hexagonal boxes and arrows, like this:
[Encounter with NPC, go to the woods] -> [wolf attack, injures NPC] -> [Return to village, other NPC punish them for leaving first NPC there]
I Read only the first boxes, understand what it was and stopped, but everything i read happened.
I lasted 5 sessions...
the last thing was an encounter with an invincible NPC (that healed more damages per turn that we can possible make) in which i just tried to die in an old fashioned viching way before leaving the campaign, but apparently this wasn't his plan, so i didn't die.
So I write a message in the group telling that this is not my style of playing, i'm not having fun and so i'm stopping.
The GM insults me one more time, said he should have never accepted me as player (I was contacted by Mr Precise on a role play website and asked to join the group) and kick me from the chat group before other player can answer me.
The best insult was toward my character that to his words was a "panettone schifoso" ("disgusting panettone", today i don't even know what this mean, my character was basically a noble viching warrior with some heals and divine protections).
Other players answer me privatley telling me they understand me, but will continue playing mainly because he is a friend.

[PSA] A list of influencers who are hoping we don't notice them trying to sneak Susan/Naturium back into our good graces. Talking about James Welsh, Hyram, Kelly Driscoll, and others. NOT ON MY WATCH.

(I wrote this for a different subreddit, so that's why there's so much backstory on the Naturium shit.)
Yes, this post is long as fuck. I got TIME tahDAY.
I watch a lot of skincare channels on YouTube, and it feels like every week there’s a new CLOWN attempting to sneak Susan Yara and/or her shitty brand Naturium back into the public’s good graces. Right at this moment, Kelly Driscoll is GLUED to her chair refreshing her latest video so that she can instantly delete any comment that criticizes her decision to promote the brand. I think she’s only let three mildly disappointed comments prosper. Maybe she’s trying to compete with Susan Yara’s quickness to delete pro-Black Lives Matter posts in her Facebook group (and then attempt to gaslight everyone into believing that they definitely didn’t see it happen).
Since drama channels primarily focus on the makeup side of beauty gurus, maybe these idiots feel like they can get away with these antics and not have anybody notice. Well, until Teaspill, Peter Monn, Here for the Tea, Nick Snider, etc. realize that they need to be keeping an eye on these skincare “gurus,” I’m going to call them out over here. These bitches truly ain’t SHIT. They don’t care about their supporters; they care about maintaining good relationships with big influencers who can be beneficial to them in the future.
I’ll explain who Susan Yara is and why she the worst in this post, but first I’m calling out:

James Welsh for continuing to kiss Susan Yara’s ass and for repeatedly acting like she’s being treated unfairly. I’ve heard him on more than one occasion (the latest was on a recent episode of the Double Cleanse podcast) minimizing Susan’s trash ass ways because it’s not like she’s as bad as Jeffree Star. Hey James, did you know that Jeffree Star being a piece of shit doesn’t cancel out Susan Yara’s piece of shit behavior?
Hyram. Total coward. He hasn’t continued to promote Naturium products but still goes out of his way to kiss Susan’s ass in his videos. I can’t give this clown’s “The Truth About [Brand]” series even an OUNCE of credibility when you’ve avoided the biggest elephant in the room for over seven months now, even though Susan directly involved you in her mess. This is what not holding your “friends” accountable looks like.
Kelly Driscoll. Wouldn’t have included her on this list for just the one instance (that I’ve seen) of her promoting a Naturium product, but the fact that she’s deleting comments on her video from today and that she wrote a defensive reply about giving people “second chances,” proved to me that ain’t shit. The fact that she’s deleted at least two comments (it might be more) about Susan’s racism proves that she’s a full-on, complicit trash ass POS.
Glow By Ramon. This imbecile is constantly peddling Naturium in his videos, even done at least one whole video dedicated to the brand. He’s a clown who’s desperate for PR and relevancy (made clear by his salty, borderline entitled comments about PR and brands that don’t want to send him any) so it’s not a surprise that he’s licking Susan’s ass crack. Susan can be found in the comments of his videos mentioning Naturium.
Cassandra Bankson. Like Hyram, she also has a “truth about” skincare brands series and has refused to discuss Naturium. I was willing to give her a pass for not speaking up since she hasn't promoted (to my knowledge) neither Susan nor the brand, but then I saw that she had no problem clickbaiting her audience by including Naturium in the thumbnail for a video titled “Products I Love by Brands I HATE” and then completely avoiding the topic of Naturium altogether. We love a cowardly, opportunistic kween!
Mad About Skin. This fool also constantly goes on about Naturium and has done several videos focused on the brand, including ones about his favorite products. In a recent video about brand scandals, he did at least mention that Susan’s “apology” was half-assed.
Shundara Castion. Another one who gets Naturium PR and has Susan in all her Naturium-focused videos. These smaller influencers are being WORKED, and for what? Some free bullshit that doesn’t even look that great and that their followers don’t want?

I am split on whether I should include Liah Yoo, since she was featured in the Naturium launch video, along with Hyram and James. I included the other two because I know for a fact that they continue to namedrop Susan in a positive light. Sadly, Liah's videos are so damn boring to me that I have never managed to make it more two minutes without my attention wandering, so if she's continued to promote Susan/Naturium, I missed it.

Who Is Susan Yara?

Susan Yara has two skincare-focused channels: one called Mixed Makeup with 1.3 million subscribers and one under her own name with 283K subscribers. She used to work at magazines as a beauty editor or some bullshit like that, but for whatever reason, she thinks she’s more qualified to talk about what’s good for your skin than actual dermatologists like Dr. Pimple Popper. Yes, she actually said that.

Naturium Scandal

Last June, Susan made history by giving Jaclyn Hill a run for her money for the Worst Influencer Brand Launch of All Time Award.
After spending months giving positive reviews to products by a new brand called Naturium, promoting codes that she claimed the brand had “sent her” so that her fans could get discounts, and having the three biggest skincare influencers around (Hyram, James Welsh, and Liah Yoo) positively review the products on their channels, Susan announced that she had actually been the co-founder and co-owner of the brand the whole time.
Hyram, James, and Liah had been unaware of her relationship with Naturium when they’d reviewed the products, and Susan included video clips of when she surprised the three of them with the news in her announcement video (they all reacted positively).
If you'd like a laugh, check out this video of Susan promoting her own vitamin C while pretending it's not hers. It includes this instantly iconic line: "And because it has all those ingredients in it, I'm actually surprised that it's only $20, to be completely honest."
The response to this revelation was predictably and deservedly negative. As it turns out, people want transparency about any possible conflicts of interest that might impact the reviews of influencers whose jobs it is to literally influence people into buying (or not buying) products through their reviews.
Oh yeah, it’s also completely illegal. Broke all kinds of FTC guidelines. Not disclosing your relationship with a brand you literally own? Promoting discount codes under false pretenses? Sending out PR to popular public figures so that they'll shill your products also under false pretenses? GIRL.
A bunch of videos were made calling her out, though none by Hyram, James, or Liah, who all took the easy way out and made weak statements on IG stories/IG live that are no longer around.

The Apology

Susan doesn’t get nearly enough recognition for giving literally one of the worst, most manipulative influencer apologies ever given. I think most people would’ve been willing to forgive her eventually if she had seemed genuinely sorry. We could've convinced ourselves that she's just mindblowingly stupid instead of an egotistical, money-hungry fuckwad. Unfortunately, after already showing her true colors with passive aggressive comments in her Facebook group pretty much implying that everyone was being too mean and trying to stop A wOmAn In BuSsInEsS, she put out an apology video in which she:

Emotionally manipulated the audience. Who doesn’t love a carefully edited apology video in which the person makes the deliberate choice to not leave out their crocodile tears? Nobody cares that you’re having a bad day, sis. You did something wrong, so put on your big girl panties and stop pulling stunts for sympathy. This isn’t a livestream where you can claim that your emotions got the best of you and couldn’t edit it out and rerecord.
Made excuses. She claimed to have not officially signed on as the co-founder of the brand until a few weeks prior, directly contradicting her launch video in which she bragged about having been the co-owner the whole time.
Implied that her "mistakes" (deliberate choices) were being overblown. She threw in a comment in there about “little video clips being put together like that” and about the need for context, insinuating that her actions were being taken out of context to look worse than they really were. In fact, people were showing her lies fully in context.
Pretty much let everyone see how stupid she thinks her audience is. I mean, she must think the people watching her are dumb as fuck to not be able to put together a basic timeline and find proof of her contradicting herself about the facts all over YouTube, Facebook, and Instagram.
Further victimized herself by claiming that there was “an agenda” against her.
Threw in some more crying and some weird comment suggesting that people were threatening her and her family’s safety. I’m not even going to entertain that mess.

If y’all have never seen a narcissist in action, just watch that apology video. It honestly takes my breath away. Even worse, though, were her condescending comments on social media, always implying that people were coming for her unfairly and that they didn’t want to see a woman be successful.

Black Lives Matter Facebook Drama

The whole brand launch scandal happened when the Black Lives Matter protests were taking place all over the world after the murder of George Floyd. Another separate issue involving Susan happened over on her Facebook group the same month as her brand launch. It was posted about here on Reddit, so if you want to read about it in detail, go here, but this is what happened:

A member of Susan’s Mixed Makeup group on Facebook made a post in support of Black Lives Matter. The person was calling out brands for being silent or having lackluster responses to the issue.
There had apparently previously been issues with people being removed from the group for even making references to BLM in comments. If this isn’t accurate and anyone has screenshots of these posts, please let me know.
The post about brands and BLM was taken down by either Susan herself or another admin.
A subsequent post was made questioning why the previous post had been taken down.
The post that had been taken down magically gets put back up and Susan proceeds to lie and tell everyone that it was never taken down at all.
Susan gets called out for lying by a whole bunch of people in the group who confirm that they also saw the post disappear.
She then decides to say that it was Facebook glitch that took the post down and that is deleting some comments. (So weird how the glitch stopped affecting the group just in time for the previously hidden post to be restored right after someone called out the shadiness. Also weird how the glitch was only deleting comments supporting a certain view.)
Susan starts making passive aggressive comments about how it’s such a shame that people have accused her and her admins of being racist.
Susan basically says that she can’t be racist because she’s a WOC and her husband is Indian.
She starts liking comments from people who are upset than anyone would ever DARE suggest Susan could be even a little bit racist.
At some point a debate starts up about how Mixed Makeup shouldn’t have to leave up posts about BLM because it’s not a “political” group, with others arguing that BLM is a human rights issue not a political one.
Susan decides to archive the group altogether for a few days because she felt the discussion was getting too “intense.”

So yet again, Susan got called out for something some of her supporters felt was problematic and instead of being honest about what happened, the lying liar who lies decided to first trick her supporters into believing it had never happened at all, and then invented another far-fetched lie about a Facebook glitch that coincidentally seemed to only delete BLM-related content. I wonder if that same glitch was also responsible for kicking people out of the group just for mentioning BLM?
She then fully showed her ass with that mess about how she can’t be racist because she’s Korean/Mexican and her husband is South Indian.

Badly-Received Black-Owned Brands Video

After the whole Naturium scandal blew up, Susan’s racist Facebook shenanigans started getting brought to more people’s attention. I guess sis decided it was time for Damage Control™ because she posted a video promoting black-owned brands.
On the surface, this seems like a very noble thing… Except for the fact that it was so performative that literally the entire comment section is filled with her own fans pointing out how half-assed the video is compared to other similar videos that she does: It wasn’t even 5 minutes long, she didn’t demo the products like she usually does, it’s blatantly obvious from the fact that every single product looks brand new that these aren’t things she’s actually tried, and she didn’t go into ingredients.
It was overall a very lazy attempt to either do damage control, or worse, an attempt to profit off the BLM movement by getting “woke” points. She also doesn’t even mention any activist organizations in the description box. The most she did was clarify that the product links she used were not affiliate links.

Susan's Continued Bullshit on Social Media and Nonexistent "Growth"

Despite the fact that Susan is the one who fucked up from the beginning, who gave a completely disgusting apology that a lot of people found unsatisfactory (and which the coward has actually unlisted from public view on YouTube), and who continues to speak to her critics in a disgusting and condescending way on social media, influencers like James Welsh continue to act like poor little Susan was just trying to launch a nice brand and innocently went about it the wrong way!!!1!1!!1111
Susan still limits her IG comments. When she responds to critical comments, it's always attempting to convince the other person into thinking that, actually, THEY'RE the ones who are doing something negative and evil by questioning a ~woman who's just trying to make a living!~
Just look at her pattern:

When she was first called out in her Facebook group for the Naturium issue, she said: "You know what I saw through all of this? I saw women going after another woman under the guise that you're trying to be mindful shoppers. It made me sad for you and I wish you well." Just go to Google images and search "Susan Yara Facebook comments" and you'll find screenshots of a treasure trove of equally cringey shit.
In her apology video, at least the last full minute was dedicated to scolding people who were pissed off at her for her response and making up shit about how she wasn't being treated like a human being.
When called out for racism on Facebook, yet again she responded with equally condescending comments suggesting that the people calling her out are the ones who need to do some soul-searching.

TO THIS DAY, this is how Susan Yara continues to act. So I would really like know where in the FUCK is this supposed "growth" that she has shown that I keep hearing different YouTubers mention?

Like I Said at the Beginning, These Motherfuckers Ain't Shit

I'm honestly astounded by the blatant disrespect that these YouTubers are ok with their followers experiencing as long as it's coming from a person who is still nice to them, the influencers. Totally cool endorsing a brand or complimenting a person who has lied to and scammed your followers (you know, the people who you rely on to make a living). Totally cool with Susan continuing to show her morally corrupts ass all over the internet in comments on multiple social media sites. Totally going to act like you're blind to her racist bullshit. She's nice and sends out PR (and is probably in their inboxes trying to schedule the appropriate month for a sponsorship video) so that's all that matters.

Hey r/Fantasy! We are the indie publisher Wraithmarked Creative, and we come bearing awesome art and answers to all your writing, production, and publishing questions! Oh, and we're giving away at LEAST 10 paperbacks of some of the most gorgeous books on the market! AMA!

[The Beach Boys fandom] Heroes and Villains: the Beach Boys in the Trump Administration

So, to my knowledge, no one has done a write-up on the batshit insane history of the Beach Boys and the various inter-politics of band-members that extends to their fanbase, which is why I'm doing this now. I don't really use Reddit so excuse any formatting errors, I'm not entirely sure how to use italics on this thing, but I feel this story is worth sharing anyways.
Okay, let's start with the basics, the Beach Boys are a classic rock band most famous for being pioneers of surf-rock. They didn't invent the genre but they were one of the earliest commercially successful surf-rock bands to have vocals, basically cementing the vocal-jazz/doo-wop sound vocal style that's all over the genre. The band was formed by the three Wilson brothers (Brian, Carl and Dennis), their cousin Mike Love and their childhood friend Al Jardine. Brian Wilson was the group's leader, writing all of their songs and eventually producing their records, with Mike Love functioning as the group's lyricist and arguably their lead vocalist (all of the members sung lead but Mike didn't play any instruments so he tended to sing lead a bit more often to give him shit to do on stage). This was how the group functioned from the early 60s until 1964.
Here's where the issue begins, for various reasons (largely due to having a panic attack on an airplane) Brian Wilson decides that touring and surf rock sucks complete ass, and that he'd rather innovate in the studio. A solution is agreed upon where Brian will write and record in Los Angeles for most of the year as the other Beach Boys tour, occasionally stopping back in Los Angeles to provide vocals on the instrumentals that Brian cooked up. Lyrics are to be provided by Brian, although he eventually elects to just hire other lyricists. To make up for his absence they recruit another musician named Bruce Johnston to tour with them, who eventually just joins the band.
So Brian gets more studio time, drifts away from surf-rock and eventually rock altogether, discovers psychedelics and records some of the greatest records of all time. "Pet Sounds", the Beach Boys fourth album to be recorded in these circumstances, is largely considered the band's masterpiece and consistently ranks near the top of most "Greatest Albums of All Time" charts (it's currently #2 on Rolling Stone's list, for example). It's really incredible psychedelic pop, genuinely a fantastic record and one absolutely worth listening to in full ("Wouldn't It Be Nice" was used in a Fallout advertisement a few years ago and got some attention because of it, "God Only Knows" was performed Bioshock Infinite by a barbershop quartet, I think Reddit likes these sort of things, they're also just very famous songs in general). There's some other material recorded around here that's also fantastic but is not necessary to understand this post.
These albums were weird, and they were critically acclaimed, but they weren't as successful as past Beach Boys albums (at least not in America, they sold fantastically in the UK). After one of them was cancelled near its completion ("SMiLE", an album with it's own insane fan history I may write-up later) the band became significantly less successful, Brian Wilson became reclusive and the power in the band generally shifted to the other members.
For the most part, this has been true since 1971. Brian has come back a few times, most notably in 1977 with "Love You" (a very weird but very good early synth-pop album), but a history of mental health issues prevented him from ever fully returning and the power in the band gradually shifted over to Mike Love. Here's the thing though, Mike Love is an asshole.
Mike Love's many faults are too long to list here, but to put it plainly he's a money-grubbing Reagan-Republican jackass who trampled Brian's creative vision to push the band back towards its surf-rock roots, in the process creating some of the worst records of all time. The Mike Love-helmed Beach Boys albums must be what the Beach Boys sound like to people who hate them, they're truly dreadful. In the mid-90s he somehow got the rights to tour under the Beach Boys' name, and has been doing so consistently since.
This is where the fans split. To those who consider themselves fans of the Beach Boys there are two general mindsets: one that considers Mike Love to be the antichrist and one that doesn't. Can you guess which side I'm on? To those who prefer the Beach Boys' experimental works, he's a greedy businessman ruining the band's legacy, but those who prefer their surf-rock tend to be more in favor of the guy. This split is largely across political lines too, Mike fans tend to be more right-wing and Brian fans tend to be more left-wing.
Many arguments are had over the merits of these two sides of the band. As Reddit leans younger, more tech-savvy and more left-wing, thebeachboys is mostly in favor of Brian, but on Facebook it seems way more violent. If you search for concert footage of Mike Love's "Beach Boys" and contrast it with Brian Wilson's solo touring it's apparent what types of crowds they're playing to.
Now, some Beach Boys fans are bipartisan and that shouldn't be left unstated, but this is certainly true for the majority of them. This is where our most recent issue comes to play.
So a few weeks ago on New Year's Eve, after Trump lost the election but before he was out of office, he held a party at his Mar-a-Lago resort and the Beach Boys performed at it alongside Vanilla Ice. "The Beach Boys" in question were Mike Love and a handful of touring musicians but no other members, not even Bruce Johnston who is a republican and has toured with Mike before. To say this caused a shitstorm would be an understatement.
Beach Boys fans are insecure about many things and I'll be the first to admit that, "Pet Sounds" pretty directly inspired the Beatles' "Sgt. Pepper's" and yet the Beatles and the Beach Boys are often considered to be in different leagues which Beach Boys fans don't really like. One thing that fans of Brian are particularly insecure about is "The Beach Boys" being used when referencing Mike Love's touring band. You can bet that when dozens of articles from major news publications come out about "The Beach Boys" performing at Trump's mask-less party in the middle of a pandemic that these fans would be fucking pissed. And they were.
This was easily the most active I've seen Beach Boys fans in awhile, especially on Twitter where just about every tweet about the matter had a dozen Beach Boys fans underneath it clarifying that Brian had absolutely no connection to the concert. In a rare move for him, Brian (or at least his social media team) came out to condemn Mike Love for playing a mask-less concert in the middle of a pandemic to support a man who was voted out of office and wouldn't admit it. Al Jardine, another Beach Boys’ member who regularly tours with Brian agreed, and former Beach Boys’ collaborators had some more colorful things to say (including Van Dyke Parks, the lyricist for Brian’s “SMiLE” project who has pretty regularly shit-talked Mike Love over the years).
While this wasn’t the first controversy surrounding where Mike Love’s touring band choose to play concerts, there was a similar controversy a few months ago when they performed at a party for Trump’s re-election in October and another one back in February when they performed at a Safari Club (Brian Wilson is very strongly in favor of animal rights), but this was truly the last straw. Bipartisanship is nearly impossible to maintain with the current politics of band members, and while a true reunion of the band has been discussed to occur sometime later this year (or whenever quarantine lifts) it seems considerably unlikely. The band, the real band with Brian participating, is probably just over forever now. You'll still be able to see Mike Love's bastardization of "the Beach Boys", and you'll still be able to see Brian tour (and Al too, probably) with his incredibly superior backing band, but the true Beach Boys are done.
I, and I assume many others, have found some hope though. The sheer amount of backlash seems to show that the Beach Boys’ legacy hasn’t been ruined, that Brian’s experimental music has been and will continue to be properly appreciated, and that attempts to destroy with this boomer surf-rock garbage have ultimately failed. It’s nice to know, but we can’t really be sure for now. Knowing Mike Love, he’ll pull some more shit.
I don’t really know how to end Reddit posts but if any of you want a real belly-laugh I suggest you check out Mike Love’s 2017 double-album “Unleash the Love”, specifically its second disc which consists of re-recordings of classic Beach Boys songs. I don’t want to spoil it but pay attention to the vocals, they’re uhhh kinda hard to miss.
And if you want some good music to listen to, listen to Pet Sounds! It’s seen as a masterpiece for a reason. If you’ve already listened to it, then listen to their other stuff like “Friends” and “Wild Honey”. That “SMiLE” album I’ve mentioned a few times in this post was eventually released in like 2011 as “The Smile Sessions” and it’s fucking mesmerising, really worth a listen. Get involved with the Beach Boys fan community too, speaking for the Brian-side of the group there’s a lot of really good and really talented people working hard to preserve the band’s legacy. Brian’s current touring band actually consists of a bunch of Beach Boys fans (namely Darian Sahanaja, the main organiser) who were able to perfectly replicate the very complex arrangements of Brian’s songs live.
So yeah, that’s all. Have a good one, listen to the Beach Boys, and don’t be like Mike Love.
Edit/Author's Note: Just to be safe, I added a couple sentences to show that all of this did have consequences as to follow Rule 10. Didn't really impact the pacing or the point, just emphasized what's at stake in a clearer way. Also, you've all been super cool in the comments, very nice to see people who've decided to check out Pet Sounds after this. I know "thx fer de updoots" is a fucking meme but it's nice how welcoming you all are, I'll probably do a write-up on the history of SMiLE and all of the bootlegs people did sometime in the next couple weeks. Okay, author's note over.

Retreat, Hell - Episode

A/N: Hey, guys! Normally, I'd hold off until Saturday morning to post this, but I'm going to be busy the rest of the week and won't be able to do much posting, so here you guys go, a little ahead of schedule! Coming in at 16,673 words, it's not the longest episode ever, but it's still on the longer end!
In this episode, we get more running, a special marching cadence, and a few big reveals. Plus some bitter-sweet and happy squad feels at the end.
There are only two main episodes left in Act III, then we'll be back into the war with Act IV. I've already got a lot of Episode 16 written, though if past experience is any indication, it'll probably still double in word count from where I'm at now by the time I finish fleshing all the scenes out (and I'll always have a few unexpected scenes crop up before I'm done). How soon that'll all be done is still hard to say. Work is still keeping me pretty busy, and every time I think things are going to ease up or settle down and give me more free time, it doesn't.
On another note, I'd like to hear from you guys on what brought you to RH, or how you heard about the story, and what some of your favorite parts of it are so far. I can't promise I'll give you more of everything you love (and I can't please everyone), but knowing what you guys enjoy, and what you think is good helps me know what I'm doing right, and what I can focus on to continue doing good. I really look forward to hearing your feedback!
Here is the Patreon post for anyone who wants it in one solid block. Now, without further ado, what you're all here for:

Retreat, Hell – Episode 15

[First][Prev][Next]

“Give me that old Marine Corps Spirit!”

“GIVE ME THAT OLD MARINE CORPS SPIRIT!”

“’Cause it’s good enough for me!”

“’CAUSE IT’S GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME!”

“It was good for Chesty Puller!”

“IT WAS GOOD FOR CHESTY PULLER!”

These people run too gods damned much! Rinn panted as the battalion thundered around the base on their morning death march. And oh, look, here we are, running past our barracks again, getting our hopes up just to dash them… He stifled a whine. At least today they’re cutting the run short for helicopter training. When this is all over and done with, I don’t ever want to run again…

***

“Hahahaha! And the looks on their faces when we went evasive!” Edison kissed his fingertips and flared his hand as he backed through the bunk room door. “Perfection!”

“Nah, the best part was old Shields here,” Kawalksi threw a heavy arm around Rinn’s shoulders, nearly causing him to stagger into the door frame. “He was all stony faced, like, ‘I’ve done this before, this is nothing exciting,’” Kawalski said, putting on a fake deep voice. “Even as the huey went sideways!”

“I was trying not to throw up…” Rinn admitted, flicking an ear at Kawalski as he trudged back to his rack, sore, tired, and trying to pretend that his legs weren’t all wobbly after the day’s aerial adventures.

“Yeah, what’s the straight-horned one with all the “that’s what she said” jokes, Tyaytyay?”

“Tyehtyeh,” Rinn corrected.

Kimber gave him a “whatever” wave. “Yeah, him. He puked his guts out all over the tarmac three feet after he got out when we landed.”

“Ha! He did better than old Stuffy McStuffyface, threw up in mid-air!” Kawalski chuckled. “Projectile vomited when we went evasive! Though, we were horizontal at the time, so it mostly just went straight out the door!”

“Mostly my ass!” Kimber said. “I was sitting at the down door when he spewed! He puked all over the back of my helmet!”

“Hahaha, yeah, it was great!” Kawalski grinned. “You should probably go clean that off, though…”

“Yeah, no shit.”

Rinn sighed as he popped his boots off, wriggling his toes and savoring their freedom. The human boots fit better than any other pair of boots he had ever been issued, and they had mostly broken in by this point, but they were still combat boots, and didn’t quite match his foot shape. He pulled his shower gear out of his pack, looking forward to a hot soak, only to watch a parade of four Marines scramble past, already half undressed and dibsing the showers first.

He sighed, setting his shower kit at the end of his rack before digging out a pen and notebook. It’s probably best to go last, anyway, now that we get more than five whole minutes of hot water… More time to soak.

“More English lessons?” Bradford asked, leaning over to look at his notebook as he flipped it open.

“Yeh,” he yipped, still amused the Gyani word for ‘yes’ was so close to an informal English word for the same.

“And what’s the word of the day?”

“What is the word for…” he frowned. “It is a place in a home where you build a fire…”

“A fireplace?” she asked.

He flicked an annoyed ear at her. Of course that would be a word they used… “Yes, but… no, that is not the meaning I’m looking for.”

“Mantle?”

He shook his head. “No, that’s not it, either. The place where the fire is, the foundation, the hearth.”

“The hearth?” she asked, and he sighed.

I should have just led with the word. The words were different, but the meanings were identical. Not everything translated so well, but many words did. “Yes, that is the word. Hirth…”

“Hearth,” she said, emphasizing the vowel sound.

“Hyarth.”

“No, no y, stop putting y’s in everything.”

“YI Dyon’t knyow whyat you myean,” he yipped in heavily accented English, flicking an ear at her and sticking out his tongue.

She laughed, then grabbed her pillow and swung it at his head, barely missing as he fell to the side. “Now try it again, you guber.”

“Ha-arth,” he said, drawing the vowel out as he sat up. “Harth.”

“Close enough,” she said, chuckling.

He flicked his ears up with a smile, and jotted down the phonetic spelling in Gyani.

“How did you say your word for it?”

“Sfyisch.”

“Ssfayeesh.”

“No, sfyisch.”

“Sfwitch?”

“No, it’s not a hard tch, it’s a softer sch.” He considered for a moment. “It’s like a hissing tch. And its yi,” he yipped the short vowel sound, “Not uuhhhhwwweeeee. Stop flapping your big, fat lips.”

“Hey, you got lips, too, dumbass!”

“Yeah, but they’re not so fat and poofy, like yours!” He flicked his ears at her. “You look like you got stung by a bee.” He flicked an ear to the side. “Or a dozen.”

This time, the pillow did catch his head, and sent him flopping to his rack. “Oof.”

“Who’s got big lips now, bitch!” she said, puffing her chest out and swaying her head back and forth.

“I don’t know, was that your lips or your pillow you hit me with,” he said, sticking his tongue out at her, promptly earning himself another bonk. “Oof.”

“And just for that, you’re gonna have to wait until I’m done with the shower,” she said, hopping up and snagging her toiletries bag as a gaggle of half-dressed Marines chased each other out of the head.

Rinn chuckled as he tossed her pillow back on her rack and sat back up. That’s just more time for me to soak…

“Hey, have you guys seen my Switch controllers?” Kimber asked, digging through his pack. “I can’t find them anywhere.”

“Where’d you have them last?” Dubois asked, not even looking up from the boot he was cleaning.

“I could have sworn I put them back in this pocket,” he said, tapping a pouch on his pack. “That’s where I keep them, but they’re not anywhere…”

“You can borrow mine,” Edison said, once again performing surgery on the squad’s GoPro. He gestured absently at his pack. “They’re in the clip-on bag, somewhere…”

“Thanks, man, but… I wanna find mine.”

“D’you think someone might’ve, like, grabbed ‘em by mistake, brah?” Stevens said, pulling on a clean shirt.

“Or not by mistake?” Miller asked.

“Yeah,” Elder said, looking up from his phone. “We had that platoon thief a while back, remember?”

“Dude, that’s why you need to carve your name into them,” Davies said, lying on his rack playing his own Switch. He lifted his hands to show his name carved into the same kind of controllers Rinn had seen Kimber using. “That’s what I did with mine.”
“I had my name on them, man, in sharpie.”

“Yeah, but sharpie can come off,” Edison said, still focused on the GoPro. “Alcohol or a dry-erase marker can do the trick.”

Kimber grumbled something, and started expanding his search area.

“Hey, Shields,” Kawalski said, dropping down next to him. He only had his boxers on, and was still a little damp from the shower. “Teach me more keshmin swear words! How do you say fucknugget?”

Rinn raised an ear and an eyebrow at him. “We don’t have that one.”

“Well, come on, then, what else have you got? I’ve got a new one for you! ‘Twat!’” Kawalski grinned. “Means ‘pussy’ in English English.”

Rinn flicked his ear. “Is that how you use your words words, when walking down the street street?”

Kawalski laughed. “No, fuck face, it’s English spoken by the English, as opposed to real English spoken by Americans.”

Rinn paused, pen in mid-air, and stared straight ahead for a moment. “Wot?”

“Kawalski, you dumbass, the English invented the English language,” Dubois said. Rinn didn’t even need to look at him, he could hear the eye-roll.

“Guys! Guys!” Gomez stuck his head out of their supply fort. “I found some boxes we missed! They’re full of fucking duct tape!”

“No shit?” Kawalski said, immediately distracted by the prospect of creative acquisition. “How much?”

“I dunno how we missed it, hoss, there’s boxes and boxes of this stuff! Different colors, too!”

“Sweet! Grab us all a roll! Jabs, too!” Kawalski paused, then stood up. “What all colors are there?”

“Dunno yet, I haven’t gone through all the boxes, but there’s a few at least.”

“Lemme see…” Kawalski disappeared into the fort. “How the hell did we miss all this… Oh, I see, it got buried behind the fuck tent.”

Dubois looked up. “Why do you have a fuck tent?!”

“Dude, you always need a fuck tent!”

“Who the fuck are you fucking!?”

“Your mother! Heheheh!”

***

Rinn pulled the earmuffs off his head as the firing line was declared cold. The new earmuffs they had been given had deeper cups with more room for his ears, but they still didn’t fit well. We’ll have to talk to somebody about getting some properly designed for us, he thought as he trudged down range to collect his targets. The Marines had scrounged up a few more of their pop-up metal targets for the “new” range, but they were mostly still shooting at paper targets tacked to wooden frames.

Back at the tables behind the firing line, Rinn looked over the keshmin targets with a pleased quirk to his ears. Their scores were not anything the Marines would consider good, by any means, but even the grizzled Gunnery Sergeant running the range begrudgingly nodded his approval at them being passable. Barely.

Not bad at all, for what little training we’ve managed to fit in around everything else. Lord Anyo is even showing a particular knack for the weapons, at least on the fixed range. Rinn was pleased to note that his own scores had surpassed Anyo’s on the dynamic range, much to the Knight Captain’s chagrin.

Lunch consisted of MREs at the range, and Rinn once again got to demonstrate his “advanced knowledge” of human equipment to the other keshmin, and warned them away from the less favorable MREs. Not that I’ve actually tried many of them, but our pallets seem to match close enough that I’ll take the Marines at their word.

The lunch break was short, barely enough time to heat the food and gulp it down, before they were hurried off to the next event on the range, this one pushing the artificers to their magical limits.

“Cease fire! Cease fiiire!”

Rinn panted, overheated and out of breath, as he lowered his stave. The targets down range were shredded, both by gunfire and spellfire, but this wasn’t a measure of accuracy.

“Most impressive, Ahyat,” Yeshai said as Rinn stepped back from the firing line. “How many armor enhancements were you able to maintain?”

“All twelve of them, Your Grace,” Rinn said, still trying to catch his breath. “But I couldn’t keep up with the machine guns. I could barely keep up with one, nevermind three!” He shook his head, making sure to close his mouth to keep his tongue from lolling, though his ears still flopped a bit. “The best I could do was one enhancement every fifth or sixth shot with two. One in a dozen with three.”

Yeshai snorted. “No worse than anyone else so far, and you did it while maintaining all armor enhancements, a very fine shield, and respectable spellfire of your own.” He flicked an ear. “Any of us might surpass you in single skills, but on the whole, I’d dare say you’re the best of us, and by no small margin.”

“You honor me, your grace,” Rinn said, giving him a bow.

“Your service honors the kingdom,” Yeshai replied, dipping his head in return.

Straightening, Rinn couldn’t miss Anyo glaring at him, but he pointedly ignored the Earl. Sinyan had gone before Rinn, but Anyo had gone before him, and all but confirmed Rinn’s suspicions that the Knight Captain was a sparker.

“And who’s our next contestant?” Gunnery Sergeant Valdez called as Rinn flopped down next to Bradford, happily guzzling the bottle of water she handed him.

“Tyehtyeh, that’s you!” Yenyed called, glaring at the oblivious artificer.

“Oh, right!” Tyehtyeh said, looking up from the spellstructs he had been studying. He barely even put on his false-deep voice.

“Oh, here we go…” Bradford muttered, rolling her eyes.

“Don’t be spiteful,” Rinn said, flicking her ear with his tail. She swiped at the offending appendage and tried to grab it, but he quickly snatched it out of her reach. “He’s made incredlbe progress these last two weeks. He hasn’t admitted it, but I’m fairly certain he’s had no formal education as an artificer, or even at all.”

She raised an eyebrow at him. “So his bluster’s all just a show, deflecting from his … ignorance?”

He dipped his head with an affirmative ear flick. “And the more I give him to study, the less he remembers to put on the act.”

“Huh…” Bradford said, giving Tyehtyeh a newly appraising look.

“Line ready?” Valdez called out. “Shooter’s stand-by! FIIIRE!”

Tyehtyeh immediately popped up a shield and sent a triple burst of tight, powerful firebursts down range, before the Marines could rack their bolts and engage. Brief flashes of light rolled down the line as armor enhancements went up.

He still needs to kill that startup flare, but at least he’s cut out the continual glow, and his efficiency is a hundred fold better. He’s barely leaking any mana!

Tyehtyeh hesitated as the rifles opened up, several rounds zipping down range unseen. He rolled his ears, shifted his feet, and every single shot became a visible bolt, glowing as it snapped down range.

More rifles opened up, then a machine gun, then two, then tree. Rinn’s ears shot up under his earmuffs. Every single round glowed.

Then Tyehtyeh brought his stave to bear and let off a barrage that made Rinn’s spellfire look like a peashooter.

“CEASE FIRE! CEASE FIIRE!” Valdez called as the targets disappeared into several plumes of splinters and smoke.

“Holy shit!” Bradford said. “He hits like an artillery piece!”

Rinn looked at her, then to Tyehtyeh, then to Yeshai and the other keshmin. A small part of his mind was pleased to note that he wasn’t the only one whose jaw was hanging open.

“Did I mess up again?” Tyehtyeh asked, sheepishly scratching at the base of a horn.

Yeshai shook his head, the first to collect himself. “No. No, you didn’t.” He looked at Rinn, forcing the field artificer to collect himself. “Second Artificer, you wouldn’t happen to have a metering artifice in your repertoire, would you?”

He cocked an ear to the side, wondering what the Duke was getting at, before it clicked. “Yes, your grace, I do.…” he stood up, retrieving his stave, and walked over to Tyehtyeh with Yeshai. The Marines and other nobles muttered amongst themselves in their separate groups as Tyehtyeh squirmed under the unexpected attention.

“Second Artificer Tyehtyeh, have you ever been officially metered?” Yeshai asked, stopping in front of him.

“Well, ah, no, Your Grace,” Tyehtyeh said, scratching at the base of a horn. “Militia really only ever cared that I could sling spells, didn’t much care for any of the details.”

“I suspected as much,” Yeshai said, dipping his head in a small nod. He flicked an ear at Rinn, then back to Tyehtyeh. “Second Artificer Ahyat, if you would be so kind.”

Rinn nodded and stepped forward, his stave held low in one hand. He didn’t really need it to run this particular artifice, but he suspected the extra precision and peak range it allowed would be useful.

“What’s this, then?” Valdez asked, stepping up to the line.

“The lad has never been officially metered,” Yeshai said, waving a hand at Tyehtyeh, an exaggerated gesture probably for the human’s benefit. “He has no idea how powerful he actually is. We’re about to find out.”

“Will this hurt?” Tyehtyeh asked, his ears nervously twitching back.

“Of course not,” Rinn said. “You don’t even really need to do anything. Just passively channel a mana stream.” He paused. “Down range, if you please.”

“Right,” Tyehtyeh said, turning to point a hand down range. Rinn brought up the metering artifice, set so the measurements were visible in the air. At first, there was nothing, then Tyehtyeh closed his eyes and everything spiked.

“Above and below…” Yeshai muttered as Rinn scrabbled to shift the ranges the meter was displaying. Tyehtyeh blew past the maximum levels. Twice. “You’re a gods-damned savant!”

“What?!” Tyehtyeh squeaked, spinning around and cutting off the mana stream.

“Not just a savant,” Rinn said, his eyes and ears locked on the measurements his artifice was still displaying. “Your Grace, he’s one of the most powerful savants to ever live.”

“What?!” Tyehtyeh said again, this time with a little less squeak. “That can’t be right…”

Yeshai, turned to Valdez. “Gunnery Sergeant, we are done here for today. We need to do a complete examination and assessment of Second Artificer Tyehtyeh’s abilities, and I need to write to the King.”

****

Scrubbing her face, Bradford trudged around the corner of a building on her way back to the barracks, after dark, and smacked right into someone. “Oh, shit!” she said, stumbling back while fumbling out to catch the other person before they fell.

Bradford kept her balance. The other person he the ground with a yipped, “Oof.”

Looking down, horrified at her clumsy inattentiveness, she found Rinn glaring up at her. “I was hoping to run into you on my way back, but I didn’t mean for you to take it literally!”

She laughed, reaching down to help him up. “Sorry, I’m just a little brain-dead right now.”

“Oh,” he said, standing and dusting himself off. He flicked an ear at her. “I couldn’t tell the difference.”

“Oh, fuck you,” she said, giving him a shove that sent him staggering and nearly back into the dirt.

“Abuse!” he cried, struggling not to laugh. “Help! Help! I’m being abused!”

Bradford just continued walking, flipping him the bird over her shoulder.

“That rough a day?” he asked, jogging briefly to catch up. “Too much going on on your surprise afternoon off?”

“Pff, I wish.” She sighed, waving at the barracks ahead of them in the distance. “Most of the guys got the rest of the day off, thanks to Tyehtyeh, but not me.” She shook her head. “Nooo, I’m a Sergeant now, with ‘field experience,’” she said, with air quotes. “Since I happened to be free for the afternoon, I got pulled into another planning meeting for the field exercise we’re doing at the end of the week.” She shook her head. “Normally, these things are all planned out weeks in advance, but now we’re trying to cram that all into a few days…. Ugh!” she scrubbed her face again, heaving a sigh. “What about you? How was your afternoon?”

Rinn sighed, his shoulders sagging. “Probably not much better.” His ears twitched, and he shook his head, letting them flop around. “More testing with metering artifices more precise and capable than mine will be required to know his exact power, but between myself, the Duke, and the other nobles, we were able to determine that Tyehtyeh is a savant, and one of the most powerful to ever live. There are two, maybe three other savants alive who are more powerful than him, and those not by much.” He scrunched his snout. “And he has the education of a quillhog farmer!”

Bradford laughed. “Sounds like someone’s a little pissed off that their spot as the top artificer has been stolen by an uneducated bumpkin.”

“I’m not pissed off!” Rinn snapped. “Not about that, anyway,” he sighed, tugging at a horn. “It’s just- I’ve taught Tyehtyeh a hundred times more in the last few weeks than anyone else has ever taught him. Almost everything he knows, he learned on his own! He’s not just a savant, he’s not just one of the most powerful savants to ever live. I have to admit, he’s one of the smartest people I’ve ever met.”

“Oh, really?” Bradford asked, raising an eyebrow at him.

“Yes!” Rinn rolled his ears. “Now, of course, he doesn’t act like it at all, not in the least, because he has the education of a quillhog farmer! But instead of a bumbling idiot who can barely figure out which end of his pike to point at the enemy, he taught himself how to do magic from scratch, using a bare handful of spells he was shown as an example, and a few concepts he overheard in conversation.”

“Damn,” Bradford said, shaking her head. “Imagine what he could do if someone taught him.”

Rinn vigorously nodded his head, eyes wide and ears up. “That’s exactly what we just saw today! And if he had a proper education.…” He shook his head. “The Duke has written his father and the King, and the nobles of are two minds about what to do with Tyehtyeh. On the one hand, he should be sent to a university, trained and educated. In time, he might become the most powerful savant to ever live!”

“On the other hand, he’s useful now?”

“Yes.” He sighed. “The education he should get would take years, when he is already a powerful battlefield savant, and we are in desperate need of every advantage in the war.”

“So what are they going to do with him?”

“I don’t know. The Duke has a lot of influence to sway that decision, but it will not be made by him. That is for his father, Lord General Yangri, and the King to decide.” He sighed. “Until that decision is made, I will be continuing my tutelage of Tyehtyeh, and the other artificers will provide selections of well-designed spell structures for him to study and master.”

“Sounds like a bunch of bullshit to worry about tomorrow,” she said as he opened the door to their barracks and waved her in. “It’s late enough as it is.”

“Indeed,” he said, following her through the door. His ears twitched as they approached the bunk room. Bradford could here muffled shouts and laughter coming from inside.

Glancing at Rinn, who gave her a smirking flick of an ear, she opened the door. The room fell to immediate silence as it swung open, the bright light of the hallway casting a sharp outline into the dimmed room.

Inside, every other member of Second Squad was wearing assorted styles and colors of masks made out of duct tape. The diversity of styles included cut-out or molded eye holes, teeth, full cheek guards, bikers goggles, a medieval doctor’s beak, mohawks, and more. Holding a wild medley of cardboard-and-duct-tape melee weapons, they were clad in little else besides a chaotic mix of speedos, diapers, vests, and/or a few get-ups that looked suspiciously like pleasure harnesses, all made from a rainbow of duct tape.

In the dim light and resounding silence, they all turned to stare at the door.

Bradford slowly cast her gaze across them as she looked from one side of the room to the other, the Marines all frozen and staring at her in silence, before she quietly backed out and shut the door.

“We’re going somewhere else for a while,” she said, still staring at the door she firmly held shut.

Rinn’s ears, held straight up, swiveled to point behind him. “That… That sounds like an excellent idea…”

“Yeah…” she said, releasing the door and pulling herself away. She looked at Rinn. “Anyone ever show you how to play Xbox?”

“I can’t say that I have,” he said as she pointedly ignored what sounded like Kawalski’s muted shouting behind the door.

“Sounds like a great time to learn,” she said as muffled chaos exploded behind the door. She turned and headed towards the common room. “C’mon, I’ll teach you how to play Call of Duty, and we can see what other games they managed to snag. I haven’t had time to play anything since they set the system up.”

***

Rinn fidgeted as Echo Company formed up outside their barracks complex. He was nervous. First Sergeant Khatri had found out about his cadence project. He was nervous because he expected to be called on to lead the whole company through his new cadence.

He was also nervous because he was the one who told First Sergeant Khatri about it the night before. That’s why he had run into Bradford on the way back to the barracks. He gave a silent prayer to all the gods above and all the gods below that the squad wouldn’t find out.

“Company! Atten-hut!” Rinn snapped to attention with the other Marines as Khatri marched out in front of them. “Marines! It has come to my attention that one of our augments has been undertaking a little cadence project, translating a Ganlin marching song into a Marine Corps cadence. Is this true, Second Artificer Ahyat?”

Rinn had to struggle to keep his ears from plastering back against his skull. “Yes, First Sergeant!”

“And it is my understanding that it is in a workable state. Is this true, Second Artificer Ahyat?”

Rinn hesitated. He swore he could hear a pin drop. “Yes, First Sergeant!”

“Outstanding! Now, as you all know, I take great pride and joy in a proper marching cadence, and to hear this warms my heart.” He clutched a hand to his chest for emphasis. “The deep, sub-cockle regions of it. Second Artificer Ahyat, you will be leading us in this cadence today!”

“Yes, First Sergeant!”

With the closest Rinn had ever seen Khatri come to a smile, the First Sergeant made a crisp about face and saluted Captain Spader. “The company is formed and ready, sir!”

“Very well. Get them moving, First Sergeant.”

“Aye, aye, sir!”

Khatri pivoted and marched to his place in the column. “Company! Forward! March!”

Feet crunched on gravel and packed dirt as Echo Company stepped off. Khatri called out a basic cadence as he turned their column out of their little assembly area, what the Marines had started calling the grinder, and onto the road.

“Ahyat!” Khatri shouted as the last of the Marines snaked onto the road. “Sound off!”

Rinn cleared his throat. “Yipe! Yipe! Yegh!” he shouted, the corners of his mouth twitching as the Marines echoed back the nonsense sounds. Here we go, he thought, taking a deep breath.

“I left my heart in San’Riiaaaaa!” he called out in English. His t’s were still a little soft, and he still dragged out his vowels a bit longer than he should, but his accent was still clear.

“I LEFT MY HEART IN SAN’RIIAAAA!” The Marines echoed back, and he could hear the surprise in their voices. He smiled and called the next line.

“I left my heart to heed the caaaall!”

“I LEFT MY HEART TO HEED THE CAAAALL!” The Marines’ voices were stronger, more certain, adapting quickly.

“I left my heart to shield her theerre!”

“I LEFT MY HEART TO SHIELD HER THEERRE!”

“I left my heart to goo to waaaar!”

“I LEFT MY HEART TO GO TO WAAAAR!”

“Chorus!” he shouted, before taking another breath.

“We carry on the looong campaaaign!
We steel our hearts and maaarch aloooong!
To keep the war awaay from hooome!
We raise our pikes and neeever yieeeld!
‘Til we’ve freed the yoke from all Gahlaaa!”

He closed his eyes for a beat. He could already tell his throat was going to be sore when this was all done, but he wasn’t going to bungle it. Another breath, and he shouted again.

“I found my boots in Rotiyiiiin!”

“I FOUND MY BOOTS IN ROTIYIIIN!”

“I learned to march in formatioon!”

“I LEARNED TO MARCH IN FORMATIOON!”

“In line and square and in colummn!”

“IN LINE AND SQUARE AND IN COLUMMN!”

“To bear my heart in San’Riiaa!”

“TO BEAR MY HEART IN SAN’RIIAA!”

This time, a few Marines joined in on the long notes of the chorus.

“We carry on the looong campaaaign!
We steel our hearts and maaarch aloooong!
To keep the war awaay from hooome!
We raise our pikes and neeever yieeeld!
‘Til we’ve freed the yoke from all Gahlaaa!”

A few more had joined before the chorus had finished.

“I donned my armor in Toiyooo!”

“I DONNED MY ARMOR IN TOIYOOO!”

“I wrapped myself in clooth and steeeel!”

“I WRAPPED MYSELF IN CLOOTH AND STEEEEL!”

“Re-enforced with maail and speeell!”

“RE-ENFORCED WITH MAAIL AND SPEEELL!”

“To shield my heart in San’Riiaaa!”

“TO SHIELD MY HEART IN SAN’RIIAAA!”

Marine voices started to overpower his as he drove into the chorus once more.

“We carry on the looong campaaaign!
We steel our hearts and maaarch aloooong!
To keep the war awaay from hooome!
We raise our pikes and neeever yieeeld!
‘Til we’ve freed the yoke from all Gahlaaa!”

“I grabbed my pike in Mol’Raiii!”

“I GRABBED MY PIKE IN MOL’RAIII!”

“Enchanted bright and shaarp of biiite!”

“ENCHANTED BRIGHT AND SHAARP OF BIIITE!”

“I lift it up and hoold it hiiigh!”

“I LIFT IT UP AND HOOLD IT HIIIGH!”

“To guard my heart in San’Riiaaa!”

“TO GUARD MY HEART IN SAN’RIIAAA!”

The Marines had picked up the chorus this time, and he could barely hear his own voice over theirs.

“We carry on the looong campaaaign!
We steel our hearts and maaarch aloooong!
To keep the war awaay from hooome!
We raise our pikes and neeever yieeeld!
‘Til we’ve freed the yoke from all Gahlaaa!”

“I earned my strips in Riiun Paaass!”

“Blood stripes!” someone shouted in the brief gap before the rest of the company echoed back.

“I EARNED MY STRIPS IN RIIUN PAAASS!”

“At Koilay, Bruhl, and Sai’Li’Unnn!”

“AT KOILAY, BRUHL, AND SAI’LI’UNNN!”

“In blood and fire I baattle throuuuugh!”

“IN BLOOD AND FIRE I BAATTLE THROUUUUGH!”

“To win my heart in San’Riiaaa!”

“TO WIN MY HEART IN SAN’RIIAAA!”

This time the Marines beat him to the chorus, and he straightened in pride as voice was drowned out by a company two hundred strong.

“WE CARRY ON THE LOOONG CAMPAAAIGN!
WE STEEL OUR HEARTS AND MAAARCH ALOOOONG!
TO KEEP THE WAR AWAAY FROM HOOOME!
WE RAISE OUR PIKES AND NEEEVER YIEEELD!
‘TIL WE’VE FREED THE YOKE FROM ALL GAHLAAA!”

“I yearn to see my heaarth and hooome!”

“I YEARN TO SEE MY HEAARTH AND HOOOME!”

“Family, friends, and soomeone mooore!”

“FAMILY, FRIENDS, AND SOOMEONE MOOORE!”

“I promise one day too retuuurn!”

“I PROMISE ONE DAY TOO RETUUURN!”

“To see my heart in San’Riiaaa!”

“TO SEE MY HEART IN SAN’RIIAAA!”

“WE CARRY ON THE LOOONG CAMPAAAIGN!
WE STEEL OUR HEARTS AND MAAARCH ALOOOONG!
TO KEEP THE WAR AWAAY FROM HOOOME!
WE RAISE OUR PIKES AND NEEEVER YIEEELD!
‘TIL WE’VE FREED THE YOKE FROM ALL GAHLAAA!”

“I left my heart in San’Riiaaaaa!”

“I LEFT MY HEART IN SAN’RIIAAAA!”

“I left my heart to heeed the caaaall!”

“I LEFT MY HEART TO HEEED THE CAAAALL!”

“I left my heart to shield her theerre!”

“I LEFT MY HEART TO SHIELD HER THEERRE!”

“I left my heart to go to waaaar!”

“I LEFT MY HEART TO GO TO WAAAAR!”

He held the last note to signal the end of the cadence. The Marines copied the long note, and it trailed off as they made the final turn, approaching the rest of the battalion’s formation. The First Sergeant timed that well… he thought, but felt one last call was needed. “Royal Host, Never Yield! Two-Five!”

“RETREAT, HELL!”

“Company! Halt!”

***

“Guh, my head feels like mush,” Bradford said as they trudged into the gym. “I swear to god, if I have to go to one more strategy seminar or training planning session, my brains will all ooze out of my head and have to be mopped up off the floor…”

“Don’t worry, Jabs,” Edison said, tapping her arm. “We’ve got your favorite activity to make up for it: Picking up heavy things and putting them back down.”

“Damn straight!” she laughed.

“Raaawwwgh!” Edison said, flexing his arms in front of him. “She-Hulk STRONG!”

Laughing, she gave him a shove hard enough to send him staggering off to the side. “Stronger than you, pencil-arms.”

“Why do we keep having to sit through all these seminars, anyway?” Kimber asked. “We’re Marines. You don’t put us in classrooms. You give us a gun, and point us at whatever you need destroyed.”

“It’s to figure out how to train the next guys,” Bradford said, stepping over to a weight bench. “Got my spot?” Rinn and Edison paired up by a couple of benches by the dumbbell rack nearby while the rest of the squad dispersed through the gym.

“Sure,” Kimber said, stepping over to the weight rack. “How much to start?”

“Fifty on the bar to warm up a bit, then up from there.”

“Cool,” he said, grabbing a weight. “And what do you mean, figure out how to train the next guys?”

“The next guys,” she said, locking a weight on her side of the bar, then settling down on the bench. “The next group of Marines and Artificers, or Soldiers and Artificers, or whoever the fuck else gets sent through this program.” She took a grip on the bar as Kimber moved into position at the head of the bench, and with barely a grunt she heaved it off the rack and started doing reps.

“When did we get put into a program?” Kimber asked.

“We’re not in a… program,” Bradford grunted out between reps. “We’re… pathfinding it. The training program… that integrates artificers and the U.S. military.”

After several reps, she shoved the bar back up on the racks and stood up, wiping sweat off with a towel as she switched places with Kimber.

“You think they’re making this a program?” Kimber asked, heaving the bar off the rack and starting his own set of reps.

“Fuck yeah, they are. No putting that cat back in the bag. We’re just kind of the pilot, fumbling our way through, figuring shit out for the people that’ll come next.”

“Hadn’t really thought of that,” Kimber said, putting the bar back up on the rack after his set.

Bradford snorted as she grabbed more weight for the bar. “You’re a Marine. You don’t get paid to think. Good thing, too,” she winked at him.

“Damn straight!” he laughed, locking a matching weight on the other side of the bar and moving back to the spotter position.

Their conversation tapered mostly to insults and encouragement as they added more weight with each set.

They were just locking another set of weights on the bar when Kawalski called over. “Kimber! We need you! Gomer thinks he’s the wrestling champion!”

Kimber glanced back at Bradford, but Edison spoke up. “Go ahead, man, I’ll spot for her.”

“Ha!” Bradford snorted. “Spotter needs to be able to at least help lift the weight that’s being benched, and that ain’t happening with your pencil arms, and I could probably bench Ahyat for reps.” She glanced at him. “No offense.”

He shook his head with a dismissive ear flick. “None taken.”

“Ha, I bet you could!” Edison said.

“Kimber!”

“I can’t, man! Jabs is gonna bench Shields!”

“What?!”

“Jabs is gonna bench Shields!”

Bradford laughed, glancing at a bewildered Rinn.

“Man, I gotta see this,” Elder said, elbowing his way to the front of the crowd that spontaneously formed around the weight bench. It felt like half of Echo Company was there.

“Hey, how many reps you bet she can do with him?” Kawalski asked, hustling the crowd even as it formed.

Bradford looked at Rinn again as a pair of Marines lifted the bar out of the way. He was shoved towards the bench, and his ears drooped in defeat.

“No,” she said, shaking her head. “I’m not benching him.”

“But, Jabs-“ Kimber said, before she interrupted him.

“Dude. He’s, what, one ten?” She raised an eyebrow at Rinn. “One fifteen, soaking wet, with a brick in your pocket?” He shrugged his ears, flicking the end of his tail at her. “I just repped one thirty,” she said, pointing her thumb at the bar, “And upped it to one forty-five. I’ve got nothing to prove by benching Ahyat.”

“Aw, c’mon, Jabs,” Kawalski said. “It’s not about provin’ nothin’, it’s about bein’ funny!”

“I said no, Kawalski.”
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What are some cool group names ideas Akatsuki is the coolest name i think

[Serious] What are some cool name ideas for group of 11 friends?

What are some cool made up group names?

Cool whatsapp group names - What are some good group names

What are some cool Villain group names in Anime?

What are some cool names for a specific group of animals?

Cut my salary in half? Kiss your business goodbye.

Gfriends Sowon apparently posted then deleted a picture of herself hugging a Nazi mannequin.

Episode 6: Script Leak

that one time we tripped acid and played hide and seek with a crackhead

GM Railroading is so strong it starts even before the campaign starts

[PSA] A list of influencers who are hoping we don't notice them trying to sneak Susan/Naturium back into our good graces. Talking about James Welsh, Hyram, Kelly Driscoll, and others. NOT ON MY WATCH.

Who Is Susan Yara?

Naturium Scandal

The Apology

Black Lives Matter Facebook Drama

Badly-Received Black-Owned Brands Video

Susan's Continued Bullshit on Social Media and Nonexistent "Growth"

Like I Said at the Beginning, These Motherfuckers Ain't Shit

Hey r/Fantasy! We are the indie publisher Wraithmarked Creative, and we come bearing awesome art and answers to all your writing, production, and publishing questions! Oh, and we're giving away at LEAST 10 paperbacks of some of the most gorgeous books on the market! AMA!

ABOUT US:

OUR RECENT RELEASES:

SOME OF OUR AUTHORS:

THE GIVEAWAY:

OTHER COOL STUFF:

WHERE YOU CAN FIND US:

QUESTIONS WE WON'T BE ANSWERING:

[The Beach Boys fandom] Heroes and Villains: the Beach Boys in the Trump Administration

Retreat, Hell - Episode

Retreat, Hell – Episode 15

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